Remus Lupin's Guide to Seduction
by lumoscrimsom
Summary: An alternate universe where Remus is a different sort of werewolf and teaches Harry and his friends at Hogwarts with a few familiar faces. Hateable villains make appearances and an uneasy relationship begins to develop between the two Defence Against the Dark Arts professors in the midst of chaos, barely-legal fundraisers and teacher-student holidays at the school.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the following, only pull on their strings and make them dance

**A/N: **New story – would love some reviews to make sure I'm writing something you all want to read

**Chapter One**

Remus Lupin was just sitting there, minding his own damn business when he walked in. Well, _stumbled_ in might have been a more accurate description. Or maybe _pushed_, or _forced_. No, no, not really. The first one was true. Honestly, no more lies. Anyway, where were we? Ah yes, some stranger stumbling into the compartment on the train with some _blonde_ thing glued to his face. Apparently completely and utterly oblivious of Remus' presence. Poor Remus.

"Ahem." said testy werewolf snapped irritably. He was, you see, already in a bad mood, what with him forgetting to bring his chocolate brownies for the tedious journey up to Scotland. Not to mention, they'd interrupted an intense part of his romance novel, which was just asking for a beating.

So, for someone to just _burst into his compartment_ whilst performing some kind of gymnastic act as they fell back onto the opposite bench was simply asking to be murdered. Slowly. Messily. Perhaps with the old spoon perched up on the luggage rack with some sort of mysterious purple gloop dried on the end. Yeah, that sounded like a horrific enough way to go. Then again, maybe he'd just beat the man with his belt. Yeah, much more hygienic. No knowing what sort of diseases were on that thing up there.

At the sound of someone else in the compartment, the man and the blonde leech both looked up, staring at him. Her hand was still _there_ and his was still _somewhere_ out of sight, so Remus assumed they needed a bigger hint. His fingers twitch towards his belt. _Calm, Lupin, calm. It's only the first day of term. Don't start off your first year with two murders under your belt (heh heh), before you've even arrived at Hogwarts_.

"This compartment is taken." Remus notified them, even though he had assumed that they had already known that, seeing as he wasn't bloody invisible last time he'd checked. The two across from him sat up and untangled various limbs. The man shrugged, wearing a wide grin that made Remus want to jump on him and claw his face off. Or maybe jump on him and do something a bit more pleasurable…

_Damn it, Lupin, just act normal for once in your sorry life!_

"Sorry, mate," the smug man across from him chuckled, "Didn't see you there. I'll see you later, yeah?"

Remus sighed as the man took the leech under his arm and led her out to find a compartment that was _actually_ empty. Even more infuriating than the interruption of a deliciously steamy scene in the latest of the _Love Charm_ series, was the fact that they _hadn't closed the door_. He sighed heavily, leaning back against the window and pulling his feet up under him and opening his book again, studiously ignoring the gaping space where the door should be. If he ignored it, he could at least _pretend_ that everything everyone did, didn't _grate_ on his bloody _nerves_.

It wasn't that he was always this irate. No, it was more that he was just nervous about his first year, his first _day_. Once he had settled in, he would calm down – he bloody well hoped so, or there would be students walking around headless with the initials R.J.L. carved into their severed necks. With that pleasant image, Remus delved back into his book and hoped the rest of the journey would pass quickly – he was known to get train sick.

Of course, it would be his luck that three people stumbled into the compartment only a moment later. Remus looked up, quickly swinging his legs off the bench before one of the intruders sat down heavily in the place where his knees had just been, laughing a loud, barking laugh along with the other two. Remus did a double take and realised that the man who had almost broken his bloody legs was the idiot who had come in before with the blonde woman. He wasn't exactly someone you could forget all that easily, what with his sharp, striking features and his long, black hair. Not to mention that charming, easy smile he was directing at Remus right now that made his heart jump.

_Leave it, Lupin_, he told himself quickly, _the guy's straight. Don't bother._

"Sorry about earlier," the man said, holding out a hand, "Sirius Black. Hope you don't mind us intruding, there aren't any other compartments."

"Not at all." Remus shrugged, shaking Black's hand and hoping he didn't sound sarcastic. The other two stuck their hands out, too, introducing themselves. The other man introduced himself as James Potter. He had a friendly, laughing smile, glasses and a shock of messy hair. The woman, with beautiful red hair and intelligent green eyes, presented herself as Lily Potter. Remus assumed the pair to be married. He introduced himself as Remus Lupin, taking Lily's hand, after Potter's.

"You're the new Defence teacher." Black guessed, nodding when Remus did, "I'm the other one."

Remus nodded, suppressing a sigh that he would be working with the hottest straight guy he had ever laid his eyes upon. "Why is it they really wanted two teachers for the same subject?" he asked drily, pretending that the man next to him wasn't going to prove himself a distraction for the whole year.

"To teach it better," Lily answered confidently, "So you can demonstrate properly."

"Great." Black grinned. Remus smothered a groan – the last thing he would consider _great_ would be getting his arse kicked in front of a class full of sarcastic teenagers.

"Nah," Potter scoffed, "It's just 'cause no one's been able to hold the post for longer than a year. Maybe they think hiring two will break the curse. Or maybe, when one buggers off, the other will stay and they'll save fees looking for someone else this year."

"So it's your first year, too?" Remus asked Black, not quite ready for the dazzling smile sent his way. _Damn it, Lupin. Do I have to kick your arse again? No crushes on straight men!_

"Nah, I taught flying and refereed the Quidditch for the last few years." Black shrugged, "Dumbledore approached me for the post when the last Defence teacher left. He told me there'd be another teacher as well, but not why."

"You don't get split pay, do you?" Potter asked, horrified.

"You don't ask people about money!" Lily scolded, hitting Potter on the arm lightly.

"No, thank Merlin," Black laughed.

"So what are you all doing on the train with the students?" Remus asked, putting his book aside now that he was curious enough of his seemingly friendly colleagues enough to converse politely.

"Teacher's conference in London this morning before we left." Potter grimaced, "So a few of the staff decided to relive their youths and take the Hogwarts Express up. I wonder when the lunch lady's coming…"

"Why are you on the train?" Black asked as Lily slapped Potter again.

"Magical transportation makes me ill." Remus shrugged, "Except brooms, but it's not bloody likely that I'd ride all the way up to Scotland on one."

"Good call." Black laughed. Remus smiled back, mentally giving his skipping heart a hearty (_hearty_, heh), kick for it's troubles. _Straight, straight, straight, straight_. He was going to have to think like a straight man. That was all he could do. He was, after all, bisexual, so that shouldn't be too difficult. _Right,_ he thought sourly, _not too difficult when the epitome of sex is sitting right next to you and will be helping you teach classes_.

"Who was the blonde?" Remus asked casually once the compartment had lulled into quiet. He kicked himself internally again, hoping he caused himself figurative internal bleeding for the stupid question. He only thought his intentions weren't obvious. _Of course they're not_, he reminded himself, _no one here knows you like men as well as women_. Well, unless he gave them huge stonking hints like staring at Black, which he realised he was doing right that moment.

"Madam Rosmerta." Lily smirked, "Head chef at Hogwarts. She's got a thing for our Sirius, but he doesn't have a thing for her. Unless it involves sticking his tongue, and other things, down her throat without having to make a commitment."

Remus frowned, "I thought the house elves would cook." He said uncertainly, trying desperately to ignore the image of Black sticking _things_ in places that had nothing to do with Madam Rosmerta. "_Oh_, the new legislation. It stopped house elves being used for mass labour, right?"

"Like cooking and cleaning for as many people as there are at Hogwarts, yes." Lily confirmed, "The ones in private households should be paid, now, too, and given holidays et cetera, et cetera."

"Some clueless muggleborn passed it," James muttered. He caught his wife's hot glare and added quickly, "Nothing against muggleborns, it's just that she obviously didn't have enough experience or knowledge to understand that house elves don't like freedom. Inkie was a right state when she heard – slammed her hands in the door so hard, it took us ages to heal her up."

"So now…witches and wizards do all of that?" Remus asked, confused.

"Yep." Black shrugged, before his gaze turned dark, "Why? You think wizards are too high and mighty to do their own shit?"

"What?" Remus stuttered, surprise by Black's sudden mood swing, "Erm, no. I'm just surprised that the big shot purebloods in the Ministry let the legislation go through."

"Oh. Good." Black dropped the glare and smiled again, "What you got against purebloods, Lupin? I believe the Lupins are one of the country's oldest families?"

"As are the Blacks and the Potters." Remus pointed out, letting them know he hadn't missed their names and the importance of them, "I've got nothing against purebloods long as they keep their bigoted opinions to themselves."

"Hear, hear!" Potter laughed, holding up a hand up for Remus to high five, "So, Lupin – or can I call you Remus? Much less formal. Cool. So, Remus, why is it that we didn't see you around Hogwarts in the days of our youth?"

"You look our age." Lily added.

"My mother had me home schooled," Remus shrugged, propping his foot up on the bench opposite beside Lily, "Crazy bitch didn't think any school would be good enough for her precious only child to go to."

"Bet that was hell," Sirius chuckled, shaking his head, "The only good parts of my childhood were when I was at Hogwarts. Although, I do sympathise. My mother – she's a crazy bitch, too – wanted me home-schooled, but I was lucky enough to have my Uncle Alphard on my side. Only sane one in the family, I swear. Except me, of course."

"Right." Lily snorted, earning a playful kick from Sirius.

"Alphard owns the Three Broomsticks, by the way." James told Remus helpfully, "If you turn up with Sirius, you get free drinks."

"I'll remember that." Remus grinned and then nodded to the door of the compartment, "Looks like the trolley's here."

Sirius and James leapt up like a couple of kids, money in hand, flinging the door open. Lily caught Remus' eye and shook her head with a fond smile. Remus hoped that everyone at Hogwarts would be as friendly. Oh, yeah. And he hoped that Sirius Black wouldn't tempt him enough to bloody _jump_ him.

**A/N: **So, what did you think? I had fun writing for a Remus who was moody due to lack-of-chocolate-brownies ^-^ If I do end up writing this with the intention of finishing it, it's gonna be a long one, just to warn ya :) oh and it probably won't be update as often as my other ones have been, since it hasn't all been written up already :P but anyway, I'm going to just shut up now and go eat some scones, because I'm British and I like them with jam and, most importantly, it's lunch time. R&R! (if you do, you get a scone with jam and cream! yum yum :D if you don't want a scone I can get you some pancakes. Honestly, I'm a wizard at making pancakes). Anywho, really going now...


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the following, only pull on their strings and make them dance

**A/N: **Just for your information, the password used in the following chapter is Latin and means 'know thyself'

**A/N2/Irate Rant:** Just to clear things up, even though this is an AU, I'm sensing that some people are confused as to why things are different. Not sure where the confusion's coming from, but hey. Right…so, if anyone here has read my other stories, then they would know that my version of Remus has always been able to stand up for himself and can be hot-tempered – this is purely because I believe (_my personal opinion, _guys), that Book-Remus would have had to practice his patience with the other Marauders which is why JKR's (god save the queen) Remus is so calm. Since he hadn't gone to Hogwarts with said Marauders in this fic, he's less tolerant (and I do think I explained that he was annoyed that he forgot his chocolate brownies in the last chapter, which was why he was so irate). Also, Remus _is_ a lycanthrope, he just wasn't bitten as a child – all shall be explained in another couple of chapters or so, so please adopt some Book-Remus patience, but don't expect it to be anything like the original version of the story of his being a werewolf. This is, after all, an AU. For anyone who likes the slightly less effeminate version of Remus, don't worry, his romance novel reading was because he doesn't like travelling and romances are the only thing that can keep his mind off of it (except for, evidently, the Marauders and Lily). That's explained, but _waaayyy_ on in the story, so I thought I'd clear that up now. Everyone has difference versions for their own fan fics, so don't be picky with stuff like that, I beg you. I don't have anything again the goddess that is our beautiful JK Rowling, I'm just taking inspiration from her characters. Here, Remus will display patience only for his students and act more, well, _Sirius_ish I guess towards those his own age. He can be calm, but only when he's being professional.

If anyone has any questions, then please ask away, but I'll always defend the way I write my characters, because they're _my _versions (disclaimer: still JKRs, just making a point here, people), and that's just how it is. I do write Remus as normal Remus sometimes, the stories I just happen to be putting up first are the ones where he's got a little more spunk.

Anyway, sorry for the rant if anyone bothered to read it – and I hope you did, since I'm not repeating it – continue :)

**Chapter Two**

Hogwarts was everything Remus had imagined it to be and more. He sat at the head table between Sirius and Lily, who had revealed that she taught potions for the younger years and James taught ancient runes, staring around at the Great Hall. Of course, he had been given a tour by Minerva the day he had got the job, so it wasn't the first time he had been here – but to finally be sitting there, as a legitimate part of one of the greatest schools in the world (and on the same bloody table as none other than Albus freaking Dumbledore), was definitely something to savour.

"Let the feast begin!" Dumbledore announced, spreading his arms wide. Heaps and piles of food appeared on the tables and the students and teachers all tucked in happily. Remus looked around the Great Hall, amused by the reactions of the different years. The first years were staring at the food as if it was about to bite them. The second years look less scared, but still intimidated. The third years looked confident and the forth years cocky. The fifth years looked a tad horrified to be starting their O.W.L. year, where the sixth years looked relieved to have it over. The seventh years were shovelling in food as though their lives depended on it, talking with their mouths full and throwing potatoes. The teachers looked just as thrilled at the seventeen year olds to start a new year, if a little more wary and withheld in their excitement.

"Y'alright, mate?" Sirius asked from beside him, pushing over a plate of chicken legs, "You realise you're staring at the students? Don't wanna be labelled as a paedophile on your first day."

"Sirius!" Lily snapped as James laughed loudly on her other side, "It's his first day, he's allowed to look around. Sirius chuckled and slung his arm over the back of Remus' chair, leaning in close and making a show of apologising. Remus tried to lean away without making it obvious – unsuccessfully, of course. _Just my fucking luck_, he though testily, trying not to inhale Sirius' musky scent.

"You see over there?" Sirius asked, arm still over Remus' chair (_breathe, breathe, breathe_), "The one that looks like James' mini me?"

_You're gonna be inadvertently introduced to my own mini me if you don't get your hand off my leg_.

"That's his and Lily's son, Harry. You see him? On the Gryffindor table between the Weasley and the curly mop. He's in his fifth year, now."

Remus shook himself internally and tried to at least pretend he wasn't currently experiencing a semi just because an attractive straight man _still had his hand on his arsing leg_.

"He's fifteen?" he asked Lily, lifting a brow. Said Lily blushed and even James looked sheepish.

"We were seventeen when I got pregnant." She admitted, "But we don't regret it. He's the best thing that ever happened to us, right James?"

"Definitely," James grinned proudly, waving at his son, who ducked his head in embarrassment, "He's seeker on the team – youngest ever and we haven't lost a match since."

"Yeah," Sirius added under his breath, "He's also been saying that he's killed a basilisk, stopped a dark wizard from rising numerous times and fought off a hundred dementors to save some crazy Azkaban escapee. Personally, I think he should write all of this down – imagine how successful the books would be! _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban_. Sounds catchy to me."

Remus laughed heartily, but stopped abruptly when he caught the eye of one of the other teachers. _What's that hook-nosed, greasy-haired git staring at?_ He thought with some annoyance – annoyance, because when Sirius saw who he was looking at, he retracted his arm and his hand, staring at the other man with vehemence. Oh, come on, even if Remus had been having some erectile issues (and not in the sense that there was any absence of said erection), it didn't mean he hadn't been profusely enjoying himself. It wasn't every day a guy oozing sexuality randomly put his hand too far up your leg, was it?

"Who's that and why does he look like he wants to spear me on my own fork?" Remus asked quietly, nodding towards the glaring man down the table from them Sirius rolled his eyes at the same time as James snorted and Lily sighed.

"_Snivellus_." James spat in disgust, earning himself an irritated whack upside the head from his spouse.

"Really, it's been nineteen years since we left school," Lily snapped, "You should have gotten over your childish disagreements back then."

"He hasn't." James muttered, indicating the man who was still glaring.

"Who is he?" Remus repeated, a little impatiently.

"Severus Snape." Sirius spat bitterly, "Potions master for N.E.W.T. students and Head of bloody Slytherin."

"Language." Lily chided in the distracted manner of one who had made the same chastisement many times before that has always fallen on deliberately deaf ears.

"Bastard makes a pastime of ruining lives, so I'd be careful." Sirius muttered bitterly, reaching for his glass of what appeared to be firewhiskey – Remus wondered enviously how he had managed to bribe the kitchen staff to give it to him at a school feast – and took a long draught.

"I remember you, James and Peter giving him a hard time, too." Lily reminded him.

"Don't go there, Lils." James warned her, but Sirius was already glaring.

"I think a bit of school animosity is a little different to what he did to Reg." he snapped. Remus sat there in the following silence, wondering whether it would be appropriate to ask for a sip of Sirius' whiskey. Damned awkward silence. Such things made asking permission to share alcohol untimely. Taking advantage of the lull in conversation and easily ignoring the man – Snape, who already seemed to have unfairly passed judgement on him and already seemed to strongly dislike him – Remus looked around the Great Hall again, reminding himself that he would, at one point, teach every single one of these students.

It was a bloody daunting thought to say the least, but hey. At least he was finally teaching, instead of that god awful Ministry job his father had pushed him into. Honestly, who _cared_ if people had muggle neighbours? Just connect them to the fucking floo network already; it wasn't as though muggles would come around for a visit and be all, 'hey, I like your home. Mind if I stand in the fireplace to see it from that angle? Oh, and give me that green powder, too, I like green powder. While I'm in here, with this green powder, I may as well say the name of some random place – oh my, how did I end up in Buckingham Palace?' _Because of course, the queen would be on the floo network_, Remus chuckled mentally – and then wondered if she might be. She _was_ the queen, after all.

"Remus?"

Remus jumped and looked up to see Lily standing beside him, waving a hand in front of his face. He glanced around to see the prefects leading the students from the Great Hall and off to bed and the teachers setting off to their own quarters. He nodded, hoping that the others couldn't tell he had been daydreaming about muggles flooing accidentally to the queen's home. Not the most intelligent impression to have of someone.

"Come on," Sirius said jerking his head towards the doors, "You're in my quarters. I think they've distended the living space in the Defence office for the both of us."

_Oh, gee, that's just terrific,_ Remus thought sarcastically to himself, _how am I supposed to wank about the guy I'm sharing a room with?_

_Quietly?_ The other half of his mind answered with an equal amount of sarcasm. It really was a bad sign when your own brain had ironic arguments with itself. Clearing his thoughts of wanking (plenty of time for_ that_ later – just, please, remember the bloody silencing charm), Remus nodded and followed his new acquaintances from the Great Hall.

"This isn't the way to the Defence classroom." Remus pointedly out as Sirius led the group along behind a group of skittish first years led by a self-important looking prefect. James snorted from beside him, waving off Lily, who left to speak to a shorter woman with short hair.

"We're going up to the Gryffindor common room." Sirius smiled back at him, making Remus swallow thickly. _Down, boy, down_.

"We've got a couple of things to discuss with a couple of students." James grinned, "And we're loved in Gryffindor, anyway. They luurrve having us there."

"But you're teachers," Remus observed drily, "I thought students had a vendetta against teachers."

"Oh, that's true with the other teachers, but not with us."

"We're not exactly strict." Sirius provided with a snicker as the staircase they were climbing jolted and started to move. The first years started to outright panic, much to Remus' amusement. Good grief, it was only moving, not trying to throw them all off, for Merlin's sake. The prefect already on the other floor with most of the small students, called for the rest to follow the teachers. At that, the small group of Gryffindor first years all turned, wide eyed and fresh faced, to the three teachers at the foot of the shifting staircase.

James clapped his hands together and grinned up at them, "So, my vertically challenged friends, if you'll follow us, we'll show you fastest way up to the Tower from…ah, looks like we've stopped on the fourth floor. Right, my little footstools! Onwards and upwards!"

With that interesting speech that seemed to leave the students in a fair amount of shock – _fair_, because Remus was _fairly_ surprised at the way he addressed them. He glanced sideways at Sirius questioningly, but the man in question was marching on the spot and urging the first years to get into two lines and do the same before they set off. Remus followed at a brisk walk as James and Sirius started marching back down the now stationary staircase and down the corridor.

"Minnie, Minnie don't say no!" Sirius called in drill sergeants voice that might have been funny had he not have used Minerva's name. Remus grit his teeth as he kept up with the marching group, hoping to Merlin that he wouldn't get fired for being associated with this.

"_Minnie, Minnie don't say no_," the first years repeated earnestly.

"Down to the dungeons we will go!"

_"Down to the dungeons we will go._"

"Slap your arse against the wall!"

Remus had to hold back a guffaw of laughter as the first years repeated with their own giggles, "_Slap your arse against the wall_."

"Here I come, big balls and all!"

"_Here I come, big balls and all_."

"Won't old Albus be disgusted?"

"_Won't old Albus be disgusted_?"

"When he finds your cherry busted!"

"_When he finds your cherry busted_."

"Won't your wizard be surprised?"

"_Won't your wizard be surprised_?"

"When he sees that belly rise!"

"_When he sees that belly rise_!"

James and Sirius stopped outside a portrait Remus remembered Minerva calling the Fat Lady. A tad harsh, if you asked him, but no one did, so he kept his mouth shut with an amused smile as James greeted the large woman with a jolly, "Why, good evening, my dear, fat beauty! I believe the password is _nosce te ipsumi_."

The Fat Lady gushed, flapping a hand at him and swung forward to admit them. As the first years rushed in and gushed excitedly around the common room, Remus tried not to do the same. Nothing more bizarre than a thirty-two year old man jumping up and down and running around sixth years' legs. Bizarre, perhaps, wasn't the right word – creepy seemed to fit better.

"You do realise those kids were eleven?" Remus asked Sirius as he surreptitiously (he hoped), took in the Gryffindor common room – where he might have spent much of his free time If his hateful mother hadn't kept him from Hogwarts. And if he'd actually been sorted into Gryffindor, of course. Either that or Ravenclaw would have been fine.

"What of it?" Sirius challenged with a wide grin and a wink. Remus was saved from replying after _that wink_ by the prefect who had led the other first years up before they had been separated.

"Why are the first years singing _that_ song?" the prefect demanded, folding her arms. Remus realised that she was one of the friends of Harry Sirius had pointed out of dinner. He hadn't made the connection, seeing as she'd tied back that wild head of curls. She was currently tapping her foot impatiently and glaring up at Sirius and James, leaving Remus to wonder how she could get away with talking to teachers in such a way. Until he remembered that she was friends with James' son, so most likely got away with talking to them however she liked. Well, either that or there was the fact that she was bloody scary.

"What song?" James asked innocently, "Hermione, I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

"The one concerning Professor McGonagall that was banned last year!" Hermione glared hotly, "And I _will_ be enforcing the same thing this year."

"You remind me so much of Lily." James sighed with a goofy smile, before poking the prefect badge pinned neatly to her robes, "She got even moodier with this, too."

"I—I am _not_ moody!" Hermione snapped.

"I'd step back." Sirius muttered, laying a hand on Remus' shoulder.

_Work with it. Enjoy it while it lasts. Ignore it. Gah! Just pick a reaction and get on with it_.

"Hermione, leave them alone for Merlin's sake," said a voice that proved to be wearing another prefect voice when the red haired owner came into Remus' view, "You're embarrassing yourself in front of the new Defence professors. Ron Weasley, by the way, Professor Lupin."

"Not _him_." Hermione practically growled, glowering at Sirius, who was shaking beside Remus as he tried desperately not to laugh. She turned to Remus and smiled apologetically, "I'm sorry, Professor Lupin. These two aren't the most responsible of staff here."

"That's fine." Remus smiled kindly, but before he could tell her what a good job she doing as a prefect, already (what a teacher _should_ be doing, not bloody aggravating her), James opened his mouth.

"You sound just as stuck up as Minnie." he muttered. That would have signed his death sentence, by the murderous way Hermione was staring at him, but James suddenly threw his arms out and cried, "Harry! My favourite Quidditch captain!"

The approaching boy, Harry, quickly turned tail and made to run, but couldn't escape from his father, who promptly grabbed him in a bear hug and ruffled his already messed up hair. Once he managed to shake James off, Harry straightened his robes and glared.

"Yeah, hi to you, too, dad." He muttered, ignoring the laughs and pointing from around the room as he pushed his glasses up his nose. It was remarkable how he looked the spitting image of his dad – except for the eyes, those were the same intelligent green as his mother had. Sirius stepped forward to ruffle his hair as well, ignoring Harry's roll of the eyes.

"This is Remus—" he started.

"Professor Lupin." Remus corrected at a laugh from Harry.

"He'll be teaching Defence with me." Sirius continued as though Remus hadn't spoken, "Now, has anyone seen the twins?"

Hermione groaned as Ron and Harry pointed over to the fireplace.

**A/N3: **Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking – _ANOTHER NOTE_? Yes, this _is_ another note, but it's the only way to communicate with all of you, so here we go: firstly, I'm posting this chapter on the same day as the previous one simply to explain all of the above in the second author's note. Secondly, this chapter is also for **hato-ryou-chan**, who always gives me lovely reviews and makes me smile – here is your scone with specially bought raspberry jam. Tuck in, the kettle has just boiled! ^-^


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the following, only pull on their strings and make them dance

**A/N:** Someone pointed out to me that this fic is a little crack! XD I read it back and I realised that it kind of is! Ah well, that's cool. It is going to get more serious rather soon, but not for long – maybe a few chapters at the most, just to establish a plot line, then it'll be back to borderline crack! *yay*

**A/N2: **Remus explains about his encounter with a werewolf in this chapter – I'm not sure if it's only a bite from a transformed werewolf that can infect the victim with lycanthropy, or if a scratch would, too. Given what I've written here, let's – just for this story – assume that what Remus says is right. Take it with a pinch of salt (or sugar, whatever floats your boat – personally, I think eating salt is weird, whereas eating sugar is rather pleasing. Horses eat sugar cubes and I have never been wrongly directed by a horse. Wise creatures, they are.), this is an AU, after all. Anyway, read and review and please enjoy…

**Chapter Three**

After Sirius and James had conducted business with the Weasley twins, Fred and George, and had promised to help them cause havoc for their last year at Hogwarts (much to Hermione's vexation), they all headed out of the mostly empty common room to set off to their own quarters and get some sleep before the first day of teaching. James left them to fetch Lily from Alice's room up in the Astronomy tower.

Remus walked alongside Sirius, finally feeling comfortable with the man after spending an evening with him – it wasn't like he was the first attractive man he had ever come across, for Merlin's sake. James wasn't bad, either. He supposed that Sirius may have had something else, something to do with that easy smile and that barking laugh and that—"

_You were _not_ about to think arse, you were _not_ about to think arse_.

"Remus?" Sirius asked, breaking through Remus' thoughts. Good thing, too, since those thoughts were on the dangerous path down to seductive and so-fucking-x-rated-he-was-going-to-have-to-run-and -find-a-fucking-toilet. He took a breath and tried to regain that indifferent control he had thought he had started to develop.

"Sorry? I was thinking…"

"We're here." Sirius said, eyebrows raised in amusement. Remus nodded bashfully and led the way into the office they would be sharing. It had been expanded since he had seen it during his tour, with an extra desk and double of everything else. He nodded, assessing that it was all right and went through into the living quarters – and stopped dead.

"Oof!" Sirius huffed, walking into Remus' back as he stopped unexpectedly, "What's wrong? Oh yeah, I forgot to say, we're sharing a room and a bathroom. There's something weird where the castle doesn't let anyone have the other living quarters unless they've been applied for properly. Supposed to help stop people squatting if they manage to get in here. Since Dumbledore hired you late, well, we'll be sharing for a while until he sorts the whole thing out. You don't mind, do you?"

_YES I BLOODY WELL MIND. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE IN FRONT OF EACH OTHER LIKE WE'RE IN BOARDING SCHOOL AND SHARE THE SAME BATHROOM. WHAT IF I ACCIDENTALLY WALK IN ON YOU IN THE SHOWER? WHAT IF YOU WALK IN ON ME? I GUARANTEE THAT I WILL BE WANKING AND IT WILL BE OVER YOU. OH MY FREAKING MERLIN ON A UNICORN, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WANK? I CAN'T GO TO THE BATHROOM EVERY NIGHT FOR A SUSPICIOUS AMOUNT OF TIME AND THEN COME OUT LOOKING ALL SATISFIED. THAT WOULD BE SO CREEPY. OH MY FREAKING MERLIN HUMPING A HIPPOGRIFF, WHAT IF I CATCH YOU WANKING? I THINK I WOULD DIE. I THINK I WOULD DIE AND THEN JUMP YOU AND THEN GET SACKED FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT AND THEN DIE AGAIN._

"Yeah that's fine." Remus smiled steadily, going into the room and seeing his trunk at the end of the bed by the window of the narrow room. He walked over to it and sat down heavily, looking over at Sirius who had sat on his own bed.

"Cosy, huh? It's just like sharing a dorm up in the Tower again." he laughed, "Believe it or not, my old room was smaller when I taught flying."

"It's the extra bed. Makes the room look smaller." Remus shrugged apologetically, "Hopefully I'll be out of your way soon."

Sirius just smiled and stood up, gesturing that he was going to use the bathroom first. Remus called him back, remembering something suddenly, "If you bring a woman back here without telling me first, I will personally skin your dick and choke you with the stuff."

Sirius stared at him before cracking a grin and then clutching his stomach in a hearty belly laugh. Remus watched him with an amused smile until he calmed down and shook his head, wiping away a tear of mirth.

"Your sense of humour is going to be the best thing about this place, Remus." He chuckled, disappearing into the bathroom. Remus felt a warmth spread in his chest at the confirmation from Sirius of his being funny.

_No! Don't turn this stupid physical crush into something more! He's a _friend_! A fucking _friend_ who you have the _hots_ for, not more!_

Remus shook his head and reached over the open his trunk and pull out his pyjamas from the top, having packed them last on purpose for the first night, having known he would be too tired to unpack properly. Once he was wearing his usual sweats, he propped himself up against the wall and opened the window, reaching for his pack of smokes in his trunk. He was halfway through the cigarette when Sirius entered, wearing a towel around his waist.

_The gods are laughing at me,_ Remus thought pallidly, _laughing and pointing_.

"Sorry I took so long," Sirius apologised, dropping his towel and pulling some pyjamas from his trunk. Remus looked away, carefully studying the grounds outside. "Takes a while to wash my hair."

"S'alright." Remus shrugged, turning around when he heard Sirius throw himself onto his bed Thank Merlin he was a man who wore a full set of pyjamas. "I'm too tired to shower. I'll just brush my teeth after this." He added, waving his cigarette and blowing out a stream of smoke out of the side of his mouth.

"Ugh. I quit smoking when I was twenty. I didn't…"

"Yeah, well," Remus shrugged, not noticing Sirius trailing off and staring at him with something akin to horror on his face at first, "It's my only guilty pleasure. Don't worry, I do it a lot, just when I'm…what are you looking at?"

Sirius just nodded at his chest and Remus looked down, remembering. He looked back up at Sirius, running a hand along the four, angry looking scars running along his left pectoral, absently feeling the jaggedly healed skin.

"Oh, that." He shrugged, "Got attacked by a wolf last year."

"A wolf? A…a werewolf?" Sirius asked nervously. Remus just watched him laughingly, taking a long drag from his cigarette and turning to blow the smoke outside. When he turned back, Sirius seemed to be steeling himself. "Okay…okay, so that's—"

"I wasn't _bitten_," Remus chuckled, shaking his head, "It's just a scratch, see?"

"Do you…?"

"Transform? No. I just fancy the occasional rare steak on the full moon. Other than that, I'm perfectly normal." Remus pulled and face and shrugged, "Well, sometimes I can get a little passionate about things, but that's all. Like there's a little wolf inside me telling me what to do when I really want something."

"What do you mean?" Sirius frowned. Remus waggled his eyebrows inappropriately and it dawned on him visibly, "Ah, sex."

"Sometimes." Remus answered, stubbing his cigarette out on the wall outside and dropping it to the ground below. He watched it until it hit the grass before turning back to Sirius, who had an amusing expression of both relief and guilt. "It's alright. I'm classed as a werewolf to the Ministry, so you're not the first person to panic. You should have seen the faces of potential employers when they read my application. I had to put 'werewolf' on it, see? Thank Merlin for Dumbledore."

Sirius shrugged guiltily, "I'm not prejudiced. It was just a surprise. Although, I can't pretend I prefer you to _not_ be a full blown werewolf. How did it happen?"

"I used to carry out field work for the research facility in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures." Remus replied, closing the window and feeling goosebumps shiver across his skin at the change of temperature once the cool September night air was shut out, "Used to love seeking out all sorts of creatures – you know, Beings, like goblins, vampires and werewolves and Beasts like centaurs and merpeople, too…had a very interesting encounter with a tribe of veela in Peru."

"Sounds like a good story." Sirius grinned.

"Oh, it is." Remus laughed, "I loved working with them and they loved working with me. I was one of the rare Ministry workers who wasn't prejudiced and tried to help them. The other researchers liked hurting them – not that they never paid for it, of course. That's how I got this."

Sirius watched Remus tracing the scars again with a frown, "Why did _you_ get hurt if you treated them fairly?"

"This guy, Fenrir Greyback—" Remus continue, ignoring Sirius' grimace at the name used to scare little kids into going to bed early and eat their greens, "Didn't trust any of us. This one idiot I worked with got into a disagreement with Greyback, so I took charge to try to smooth us over. Turns out no one should talk to the guy when he's in a bad mood. I just made it worse by trying to help, so we left him alone. The next job we went on was out in Egypt to track down a Sphinx who wouldn't let anyone into the vaults in a branch of Gringotts. Idiots couldn't remember the answers to their own riddles…anyway, we were camping out one full moon night and it turned out Greyback had been following us, looking for revenge."

"Revenge?" Sirius asked, "What did you and your colleague do, exactly?"

Remus laughed quietly, "Tried to convince him to sign a contract that would either bind him to go down to the Ministry cells for the full moons, or to be taken into custody if he didn't take his own proper precautions. Lucky we got out of there alive, to be honest; when he fond us in Egypt…well, it got messy. No one died, thank Merlin. We do, however, have a new werewolf running around somewhere in Cairo they still haven't managed to track down."

"Your colleague?" Sirius asked cautiously. He balked when Remus nodded, "What happened to Greyback? Is he still after you?"

"Nah," Remus said, waving an unconcerned hand, "He's dead."

"Oh."

"Killed him myself. The little fuck deserved it for biting my partner and ruining my life, too."

"Ruining your...oh, right." Sirius nodded remembering what Remus had said previously, "You're still classed as one."

"Mmm." Remus hummed thoughtfully, "I got the sack the moment I got back to London. Bastards told me the risk of having me around was too great, no matter how good I was at my job. It's not all bad though – I was so good at my job, it all happened quietly. Not many people know."

"I don't understand, why are you classed as a werewolf if you weren't bitten and you don't transform?"

"Oh, there's this one stupid myth that a guy transformed when a werewolf bit this guy when he was still in human form, but the victim still transformed when the full moon rolled around." Remus sighed with a helpless shrug of the shoulders, "They don't take any chances with anyone who has their skin broken by a werewolf, transformed or not, bitten or not. I'm supposed to lock myself up on full moons."

"Ridiculous." Sirius muttered, "So nowhere else would except you, apart from Hogwarts?"

"Well, my father managed to get me some dull job in the most boring section of the Ministry, reading through forms and judging whether wizards should be allowed onto the floo network or not."

"Sounds riveting. Well, anyway, as much as it must have bloody sucked to get fired from a job you loved, I'm glad you ended up here. I have a feeling you're going to make Hogwarts life interesting."

Remus grinned and announced that they ought to go to sleep, what with their first joint Defence class drawing nearer and nearer with each spoken word. He went into the bathroom with his toothbrush and reflected cheerfully that Dumbledore was right – he wasn't going to face much misdirected bigotry here.

"Nervous?" Sirius asked, grinned at Remus from his seat behind the desk, feet kicked up on a stack of papers, wand twirling between his fingers. He was looking particularly good today – which was ridiculous, seeing as he was wearing this awful red jacket with tails, a white shirt with half the buttons undone and a black cravat ruffled beneath his chin. The whole ensemble was utterly absurd and was a world away from the casual t-shirt and jeans that he had been wearing yesterday. And it made him look like a pirate. Yet, it was one of the hottest things Remus had ever seen. He glanced away – before he either spontaneously combusted, or jumped Sirius there and then – towards the door, where the sounds of their first class could be heard waiting to be let in.

"My speciality was tracking down Dark Creatures, Sirius. I'm hardly going to be nervous of a few teenagers."

"I wouldn't speak so soon." Sirius grinned, pointing his wand at the door, which swung open to reveal their first class – sixth years Gryffindors and Slytherins. "Come on in, my little darlings. Let us learn!"

The students entered red and gold taking seats on the opposite side of the room from green and silver. Once they were all settled, with their books on their tables, wands out and ready and were moderately quiet, Sirius got to his feet and held up his hands in a grand gesture that effectively silenced the restless sixteen year olds. Remus noticed that not one of them, not even the Slytherins, blinked an eye at Sirius' ensemble. It made him feel less guilty for opting out of wearing semi-formal robes to teach, having chosen a crisp white shirt and jeans to wear instead. Muggle clothes had really grown on him during his travels – much more comfortable and fashionable. Well, unless you were Sirius, wearing that bloody pirate outfit.

_But he looks fucking good in it_.

"Aw, look at my little sixth years," Sirius cooed, hands over his heart, "My pretty little Gryffindors. Looks like age doesn't agree with Slytherins, though."

Remus stifled a laugh at the faces of the Slytherins at that comment and decided to take things into hand. He stepped forwards to stand beside Sirius and smiled around at the students, pretending that he actually knew what he was doing.

"Good morning, class. You already know Professor Black, so I'll introduce myself. My name in Professor Lupin and will be teaching alongside Professor Black so as to make demonstrations more beneficial to you. Does anyone have any questions before we go over the curriculum?"

A blonde Gryffindor girl stuck her hand up. Remus gestured for her to go ahead. "Why do we have two Defence teachers?"

"He just told you." Sirius sighed with a roll of the eyes, "You're a bit slow for such a bright girl, aren't you, Leanne?"

"To demonstrate spells with a qualified wizard able to duel with me." Remus answered calmly, "If Professor Dumbledore has a reason other than that, he hasn't shared it with me."

Another student lifted his hand and asked, "Aren't you Remus Lupin, Dark Creature catcher extraordinaire?"

Remus raised his brows at the name whilst Sirius snorted beside him, practically convulsing with the suddenness of his laugh. "I don't believe I've been called that before. I never caught Dark Creatures. I researched them and sought them out to try to help them from being unfairly charged by the Ministry." He informed the student in surprise, "Where did you get that from…?"

"Chris Henderson, sir." The student supplied, "Read it in the Daily Prophet. Rita Skeeter did a piece on how mad you were, even getting bitten by a werewolf on purpose to use the curse to your advantage."

Remus laughed and shook his head, "If you believe anything that Skeeter writes, you're a fool, Mr Henderson."

The boy looked sheepish as he nodded. Sirius rubbed his hands together, stepping forward. "Right! We'll go over what this year's going to entail, what we expect of you and then speak to each of you about what grades you're predicted to get next year in your N.E.W.T.s. Lupin, take it away!"

Remus pushed his sleeves up to his elbows and whipped out his wand, pointing it at the board. The words, 'Fifth Year Recap' appeared there in an elegant, swirly script. Underneath, more words were written: 'More depth with: conflict avoidance; counter-jinxes; defensive charms; theory.' And underneath that: 'Sixth Year Curriculum: cruciatus curse; dementors; Inferi; nonverbal spells; imperius curse.'

"For the first few weeks, we'll be going over what you looked at last year," Sirius said with an extravagant flourish of his wand, making the relevant notes on the board highlight themselves with bright pink sparks, "And once we've delved to the very bottom of those subjects, we'll start on your N.E.W.T. work."

"And before anyone asks," Remus added, glancing around at the several raised hands around the room, "No, you will _not_ be casting the Unforgivable. Well, not much, anyway. We will, whilst _you_ try to fight them off."

Some of the Slytherins looked disappointed, but most of the students looked horrified.

"Most of the cruciatus will be theory," Sirius explained, "Only those who wish to may feel its effects. Of course, we have been given permission to allow you to try it out on Professor Lupin and I."

"Should be an easy enough class to pass if we're going to be judged on the curses." One of the Slytherin boys muttered, earning himself a few mocking laughs. Sirius narrowed his eyes and stepped forward, but it was Remus who spoke.

"You're an expert on the Unforgivables, are you?" he asked quietly. The Slytherin in question shrugged unconcernedly and slouched back in his chair, oozing arrogance. Fucking Slytherin. "Name."

"Flint." The boy smirked. Remus shifted his weight and stared him down.

"Well, Mr Flint," he said coolly, "If you so strongly believe in your abilities, I think the class would enjoy a demonstration."

"Remus…" Sirius said quietly, as the class hummed with excited chatter. Remus only stared at Flint, daring him to step up to the challenge. The student got to his feet slowly, watching his teachers for any sign that they were going to give him a detention for trying. Remus wouldn't have dreamt of it – the little shit needed to understand just what he was bragging about – and Sirius seemed to be frozen in shock.

"Go ahead." Remus smiled evenly. Flint raised his wand.

**A/N3: **The plot that was cooked up with the twins at the start of the chapter will come into play in a dozen or so chapters, so be patient, but know that it will come up eventually and that I haven't forgotten about it :)

**A/N4:** I must stress again that if you don't like this story, don't read it and don't start a whole pm argument with me. I'm really not in the mood at the moment, otherwise I would respond with an open mind.

**A/N5:** Apologies for any mistakes, I haven't had a chance to check it over due to health and hospital reasons :P and most likely won't anytime soon, so I thought I'd post it now anyway. Anyway, sorry for the rambling! Here's a cupcake for being so patient :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the following, only pull on their strings and make them dance

**A/N: **So I'm not in hospital anymore, got pumped full of meds and let out :) Also, just as a note (obviously), Lord Voldemort is mentioned – in this story, he was defeated years ago and the hype and fear has long since died down enough to allow for witches and wizards to live their lives without constantly glancing over their shoulders and watching who they're talking to. But anyway, this story isn't about that – the mention of the war just helps explain a little more of why Remus has had to deal with the Unforgivables before and knows so much about them. And yes – believe it or not – 'friendlily' _is_ a word. I know, right? I didn't believe it either…

**Dedication: **For .171 (thank you for the cupcake, it was thoroughly enjoyed), who made me feel heaps better about writing this story and everyone else who has supported it. Thanks for the brownies, hato-ryou-chan :D I ate them before the nurses found them ^-^

**Chapter Four**

"Go ahead." Remus smiled evenly. Flint raised his wand.

"_Cruicio_!"

Nothing.

Remus smiled kindly as the other students tittered nervously. Flint scowled at the sight of his professor still standing on his two feet, perfectly unhurt. _That'll teach you to talk yourself up,_ Remus thought mockingly, his benevolent smile still in place as he waited for the class to stop laughing.

"I think I know where you're going wrong, Mr Flint," he said in a gentle, teacher-like manner, "You didn't quite want to hurt me enough. You need to want it, to have no inhibitions, when casting the cruciatus. Also, believe you had the wand movement wrong. You flicked it a little too much, when it should have been short and cutting, like—"

Flint baulked as Remus waved his wand to demonstrate. Sirius laughed loudly. "Like he'd attack a student, you idiot." He snorted. Flint made a sort of mad growling, choking sound and lifted his wand at Remus, but he had already been watching the boy, waiting for that anger, that hatred in his eyes that would show him that he was ready. Remus lifted his wand again, which stopped the boy dead in his tracks.

"What you're feeling now, Mr Flint, is the hatred needed to perform the cruciatus curse," Remus explained, still in his teacher voice, "It is the opposite of the patronus charm, which requires happy thoughts. Now, Mr Flint, since you attempted to perform an Unforgivable on a teacher, I believe a punishment is in order. Don't worry, I will take into account my provocations. See me at the end of the class."

The room was silent for a moment, the Slytherins all glaring at him and the Gryffindors staring at him like he was a god. _Nice one, Lupin, make a whole house full of enemies on your first day._ Oh, whatever, the git had had it coming.

Meanwhile, Sirius had stepped up, in that horrendously sexy pirate jacket of his, and spread his hands with a mirthful grin, "And that, kids, is lesson one. Don't piss off the professor who's used to dealing with cranky vampires."

The rest of the morning passed relatively uneventfully, apart from when a second year who had looked ahead in the textbook decided he was better than everyone else and had ended up accidentally casting a strong tickling charm on one of his classmates. Sirius had rolled about howling with laughter as Remus had had to half drag the victim from the classroom and to the hospital wing, occasionally getting beaten by one of the desperately flailing limbs.

Remus was stacking the pile of tests they had just gotten back from their third years on last year's topics, when Sirius sat on the desk in front of him. Remus was proud to say he didn't flinch at _all_. He did stare, though, before clearing his throat awkwardly and casting his eyes down at the tests. Sirius didn't seem to notice. _Of course not. He doesn't know you can be partial to men. Why would a straight man assume another apparently straight man is checking him out?_

As usual, his conscience proved to be more intelligent than he.

"I love how you teach a class," Sirius was saying, grinning down at him, "The kids love you, too."

Remus snorted and Sirius rolled his eyes, "Well, okay, it's safe to say our sixth year Slytherins hate you, but the rest seemed impressed. It helps that you were never sorted, I guess. Makes you neutral."

"I suppose so." Remus shrugged.

"How did you know he wouldn't be able to cast the cruciatus?" Sirius asked, suddenly serious (don't even _think_ about thinking about thinking it). Remus looked up again, having almost forgotten the dramatic start to their day. He shrugged carelessly.

"When I was working during the war, there were many Dark Creatures involved with Voldemort." He answered easily, "I worked with aurors in those times, for protection. I had to be trained in some of the stuff aurors are, to be able to deal with the nasty ones and the Death Eaters they hung around with. Trust me, I've seen enough curses cast to see when someone isn't quite up to it."

"But then the second time he was going to – he was really going to do it."

"Perhaps." Remus answered simply, "I would have handled it. I had to show him what it really took to be able to cast the curse. Now he knows. Lesson learnt. I highly doubt he'll ever use it, though."

Sirius stared down at Remus, making him shift uncomfortably in the penetrating attention fixed on him. "There's got to be another reason Dumbledore hired you. Why else would he want someone like you?"

"Oh, gee, thanks." Remus said sarcastically, pushing his ever-falling-down sleeves up again and standing to head out and down to lunch. Sirius followed in a flash of red and black.

"I didn't mean that and you know it," the other man pouted, catching up and walking alongside Remus, "I meant, he wouldn't have hired someone with your specific credentials without a reason. Everything that mad man does has a reason."

"Well he hasn't told me anything." Remus shrugged, "Staff room's down here, right?"

Sirius nodded as they wove their way through the masses of students down the staircase and along the corridor to the staffroom. Inside was filled with teachers either conversing animatedly, or staring into space, looking to be in shock from their first day back. Sirius immediately sought out James, who was over by the food, so Remus took a seat near one of the open windows where Lily was leaning against the wall.

"Hey," she smiled warmly, causing Remus to feel a rush of affection for the caring woman as he leant against the wall beside her, "How's your first morning been? Any disasters?"

"Not really," Remus shrugged, "the stuff I'd expect, but nothing bad."

"Lucky." Lily laughed, "I got an exploding cauldron this morning. One of my third years caused half the class's faces to disappear. Honestly, I've never seen such a thing before – I've half a mind to ask him how he did it, but the sight of kids with no faces has kind of put me off."

Remus laughed heartily and shook his head, "That's why I'm glad I'm no good at potions. In Defence, if something goes wrong I just have to perform the counter jinx. Well, there can be some lasting effects, but Madam Pomfrey seems to deal well with that."

"So she does," Lily smiled, "How was teaching with Sirius? I've only ever seen him teach flying and refereeing and he's never exactly one hundred percent serious when he's doing that."

"He was good," Remus remarked, looking over to where Sirius and James were animatedly discussing something that was obviously hilarious, "Obviously knows his stuff. And the kids love him, too."

"Yeah, it helps when the teacher doesn't care about rules when it comes to students liking him." Lily sighed. Remus looked across at her curiously.

"Err, I don't mean to pry, but…" he asked slowly. Lily looked at him questioningly, "Does he always dress like that?"

Lily laughed again, looking over at Sirius with amusement, "Oh, that. Yeah, he does – at the school, anyway. He looks mostly normal when he's at home, or goes out somewhere. Says he feels like he can experiment here without being stared at. Surprisingly, he's right. No one blinks an eye."

"Kind of suits him." Remus mused, watching as Sirius laughed at something James said. _And what a laugh it is_, he thought wistfully. Wait, wistfully? _Wistfully_? Why the hell was he _wistful_? Gods, this was getting out of hand. _Right, Lupin. This calls for drastic measures. Time to pull out old plan: seduction_. Yeah, that was all there was to it. He was going to have to bed the man to get him out of his system – he couldn't spend every day feeling all uncomfortable and bloody _hard_ in class. He wasn't particularly worried about it being awkward after they'd shagged; Remus was known for his amiable break ups.

"He's obsessed with eccentric muggle clothes." Lily was saying, completely unaware off the conclusion Remus had come to, to seduce her friend. "Started when we were in school, ever since he started to go against his family."

Remus, finally tearing his gaze away from Sirius, looked at her. He was about to ask about Sirius' relationship with his family as – like Remus himself – he obviously wasn't the typical stuck up pureblood, but missed his chance when Lily waved at more teachers arriving in the staff room. Minerva McGonagall had entered with two younger members of staff Remus hadn't formally met yet. They made their way over.

"Hello, Remus," Minerva greeted him with a weary smile, "How has your morning gone?"

"Well, thank you." Remus replied politely.

"You have the fifth year Gryffindors and Slytherins next?" she asked. Remus nodded.

"Keep a close eye on them," she advised him, "I've just had to split up a fight in the corridor."

Lily sighed heavily beside him and wiped a hand across his face, "Not Harry?"

Minerva nodded, "Weasley and Malfoy were involved, too."

"I'll leave their punishment to you." Lily said, rolling her eyes. Minerva nodded wearily and went off towards the food table. The two younger teachers stayed, offering their hands to Remus, who shook them both with a friendly smile.

"Alice Poynter, Astrology." The woman introduced herself with a friendly smile. She was a short, petite woman with spiky black hair and bright eyes. Remus decided instantly that he liked her. He looked towards the man, who gave him an easy smile in return.

"Frank Longbottom, Herbology." He said with a nod. Remus smiled recognising the name as one of the more liberal pureblood families – before properly taking him in. _Damn_, he thought, _this place is filled to the brim with hot guys_. _And man, I love a guy who's good with his hands…herbologist…mmm_. Hogwarts was going to make him swing for the other side completely, at this rate. Frank Longbottom was tall, about Remus' height, and slim, but wiry. He had a handsome face and a relaxed, charming smile that went well with a head of fashionably mussed, dark hair. Remus glanced over his shoulder at another man in question – he was no Sirius, but his seduction skills definitely needed practice.

"Nice to meet you both." Remus smiled, already formulating a loose plan. At that moment, Sirius and James came over, the former of whom slung his arm friendlily over Frank's shoulder. Remus could practically feel himself drooling: _gods, they look gorgeous together…if only I could have them both…_

_How many times, Lupin? Stop fawning! You have a plan, now follow it through. Fawning won't get you anything…although you may as well enjoy the view…_

"Remus, I brought you some food, since it didn't look like these guys were about to let you go," Sirius said, handing Remus a cheese sandwich, "Eat up, old boy, we've got fifth year next and then we're free for the rest of the day."

"Cheers." Remus smiled, accepting the sandwich and taking a large bite.

"You do?" James exclaimed, coming to stand beside Lily and winding an arm around her waist, "Aw man, I've already had a free morning. Got a full afternoon next."

"Sucks to be you," Alice chuckled, before turning to inform Remus, "Having afternoons off is always better."

"Mmphgr." Remus tried to say around his mouthful of food. The others laughed as McGonagall announced that they all needed to get back to work. The staffroom emptied, Sirius ushering Remus up the stairs to their classroom, occasionally snagging some of the students they were set to teach, grabbing their robes and pulling them along behind. By the time they reached the classroom, Remus was being followed by most of the class organised as some kind of student train.

It was his third class of the day concerning both Gryffindors and Slytherins and he wondered who was thick enough to keep pushing the two enemy houses together, if whoever it was thought that they'd be forced into being friendly, then they were sorely wrong, and – frankly – an idiot. Nothing too bad happened, as it had with his first class, but Harry and his friends had ended up in a standoff with the Malfoy boy and his two thug cronies.

"Boys, boys," Sirius was trying to say amiably, as Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle all lifted their wands, causing Harry, Ron and Hermione to draw theirs. Remus sat back on the desk and folded his arm as he watched with a small frown. "Come on, wands down, or you'll all be helping the cleaning staff tonight. _Without magic_."

"But, sir—" Harry said furiously, but Sirius interrupted.

"Do you want me to tell your mother you've been duelling?" he threatened, making the rest of the class snicker. Harry gave his teacher a dark glare as Ron and Hermione tried and failed to suppress smiles.

"Don't know what you two are smirking at," Sirius went on, "You're prefects. I expect better."

Hermione instantly sobered up, but didn't lower her wand. Ron only shrugged, returning his attention to the Slytherin boys. Remus decided to speak up and lifted a hand a little, attracting their attention. Sirius saw and came back to sit next to him, gesturing to go ahead as long as it didn't result in spells being cast.

"Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle." Remus called. Malfoy look over at him with a sneer. "I'd put your wands down. I know each of your fathers quiet well and I'm sure they'd trust me if I told them how difficult you're making your new teacher's life."

The boys hesitated, but Malfoy obviously knew the Lupin name and took Remus' word for it – thank Merlin, or it wouldn't have turned out to well – and assumed that he was still on good terms with his father. Little did the boy know, he hadn't spoken two words to their parents since years before the war had begun, but Remus wasn't going to be the one to point it out. Reluctantly, the three Slytherins lowered their wands, closely followed by Harry and his friends. They all sat back down, still watching each other suspiciously.

"We'll see all six of your after class." Sirius told them with a heavy sigh, "Right, back to conflict avoidance. You six listen closely now…"

"So what was all that about?" Sirius asked sternly, standing behind Remus' chair. The six offending students shrugged mutely. "I'll repeat my question one more time. What was that about?"

"Malfoy was threatening us, professor." Hermione answered dutifully. Sirius raised a brow at them all, silently telling her to expand, "He said that there's an invigilator from the Ministry snooping around and spying on the teachers."

"Said he'd get his parents fired." Ron added. Sirius looked to Malfoy, who shrugged, and sighed.

"Just go, you lot. I don't want any more fighting, got that?"

They all muttered 'yeah, fine' under their breath, but Harry hung back when the Slytherins and his friends left. Sirius waited expectantly and Harry took a bracing breath.

"Hermione was telling the truth," he said quickly, "There is an invigilator here trying to get enough evidence to get teachers sacked—"

"And who is this suspicious person?" Sirius asked with a barely held back sigh.

"Dolores Umbridge."

"Okay, Harry, you can go now." Sirius said, his smile amused. When Harry was gone, he turned to Remus and rolled his eyes, "That kid has an overactive imagination."

"Why don't you believe him?" Remus asked with a small frown. Sirius shrugged.

"He's said things like this before. I think it's trust issues. Anyway! We're off for the day, now. I think Frank's off for a couple of periods, too. We should make the most of having no homework to mark and go down to lake."

"While the good weather's still around?"

"Exactly."

"Alright. Hold on, just let me put my case away." Remus said, holding up a finger and backing into their office and then through into the adjoining quarters. He dropped his briefcase onto his bed and turned to dig to the bottom of his trunk, still waiting to be unpacked and checked that Sirius hadn't followed him in before dragging out an old, battered notebook. Flicking to the back, a nostalgic smile quirked up the corners of his mouth. It was his old list of tips on how to seduce a man. It had been written years ago, when he and one of his childhood friends had admitted to one another that they thought they might like men. It was just a joke, mostly, but it was almost like a talisman in situations like this.

Of course, he was breaking the rules, seeing as he was going to test himself on a straight man to then see if he would be successful with another straight man. 'Course, the possibility of showing Sirius what he was missing by messing around with woman – and maybe making him jealous – was too good to pass up.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the following, only pull on their strings and make them dance

**A/N: **Ooo, another update. Bow down to me, minions!

**Chapter Five**

**Remus Lupin's Guide to Seduction**

So you've had to turn to the old list again, eh, Lupin? Well, I wish you luck. I just hope you haven't got your eye on a straight guy – everyone knows that never ends well:

**1 - Be so confident he can't even look you in the eye**

(_Not really, that'd make number 4 really difficult_)

**2 - Signal his arse off**

(_Again, not literally. No arse means no fun_)

**3 - Get the right setting**

(_Sun setting, steel drums playing…you get the drift_)

**4 - Make eye contact so hard it makes him mess his underwear**

(_In the good way, don't make him wet himself. Don't be so frightening he wets himself – that's just embarrassing for both parties_)

**5 - Flirt your way into his…head? Heart? Mouth? Pants? Arse?**

(_Frankly, into whatever he gives you, since you're desperate enough to be using the list_)

**6 - Be honest with him**

(_Obviously, this tip needs to be taken with a pinch of salt. An ocean full of salt_)

**7 - Dance with him**

(_If you've got the gay club, the gay man and the moves, go ahead. Otherwise, it might be a little odd_)

**8 - Touch him. Yeah, that's right, fucking TOUCH him**

(_Run your freaking hands all over his freaking body. If it's not too creepy. If it is, don't_)

**9 - Tempt the guy**

(_Make the guy want to rip off your clothes – how you do it is entirely up to you. Helpful, I know_)

**10 - Make him jealous**

(_Don't push him too far – don't sleep with anyone else, just, like, I dunno…kiss? Flirt?_)

**Notes:** If this doesn't work, you're screwed – good luck!

They were sat by the lake, basking in the last of the sun and watching the students on the other side, nearer the Castle. Sirius had informed Remus that the side nearer the Forbidden Forest wasn't occupied anywhere near as much as the other side. The lack of rowdy students meant that they could sit peacefully on their conjured deck chairs and enjoying their free afternoon – something they wouldn't have many of soon.

Frank, sat on Remus' other side sighed contentedly and folded his arms behind him, closing his eyes. Remus watched him freely, for once ignoring Sirius beside him, who was humming something under his breath. Frank really was good looking. _Good enough to eat_, Remus thought with a grin.

"What're you smiling about?" Sirius asked with a smile of his own.

_Step One: Confidence_

Remus smirked and shrugged unconcernedly, "Just thinking about a certain someone."

"Oh?" Sirius grinned, "And who might that be? We know her?"

Smile widening at Sirius' assumption that he was thinking about a woman, he expanded, "Yes, I believe you know them, but I'm not telling you who it is."

"So secretive." Frank chuckled. Remus shrugged again, even though his eyes were closed.

"She hot?" Sirius asked eagerly.

"Mmm, very," Remus purred. He pause long enough until he saw Frank open his eyes and turn towards him, keeping his own eyes on the tentacles occasionally emerging from the lake. He ran a hand over his jaw, "Just that right kind of hot, y'know, that just makes you…"

His hand travelled down, along his neck and over his chest, coming to down to rest _just_ that little bit too low to come across as innocent, but lazily, so that anyone who wasn't already thinking about something inappropriate wouldn't think anything of it. He sighed softly and looked over at Frank – and tried not to laugh with delight. Frank was staring at his hand, a slight frown on his face.

_How's that for confidence?_ Remus thought, catching his lower lip between his teeth, before breaking into a wide grin. Frank quickly returned it and looked away. Heh, heh, that had been a lot easier than he had thought it would have been – Frank _was_ straight, right? _Right_? Well he had to have been – the way he looked at Alice told him that much. He could have her – just as soon as Remus had perfected his technique on straight men before making a go for Sirius.

Frank looked back at him with a more self-assured smile as he chuckled at something Sirius had said. _Denial_, Remus thought_, well, that was a quick succession to the second stage of a straight man realising another man's attractive. _Stage one: realisation; stage two: denial. Ladies and gentleman, stay tuned for stage three: desire. Or is it acceptance? Whatever, either way, Remus was getting both anyway.

"Strangely hot, isn't it?" Sirius asked, fanning a hand over his face, "We're in Scotland, for Merlin's sake!"

"Taking off your jacket might help." Remus commented in amusement. Sirius laughed, slightly abashed, and shrugged the red pirate coat off, revealing the fitted white shirt underneath. _Damn it, Lupin! 'Taking your jacket off might help'_, his mind mimicked in a childish voice as Remus practically drooled over the patches of sweat sticking the white shirt to Sirius' stomach and turning it transparent.

"Liar." Sirius muttered, running a hand back and holding it off his face above his head, "It's still too hot."

"Gods, Sirius," Frank laughed, "It's not hot at all. You lived in London, for Merlin's sake, you should be used to summer heat."

"I never did well in the summer," Sirius sulked, before taking on a pretentious, posh tone, "Mother says I'm far too pretty to have something as common as a tan."

"Twat." Frank laughed.

"She actually has told me that before." Sirius grinned, "I don't tan, anyway, or she'd have a heart attack. I'm always white as a corpse. Don't even burn properly, or I'd do that just to annoy her."

Remus looked away when Sirius pulled his shirt up a little to show them a strip of white skin. He was about to suggest they head down to the kitchens to get something to eat, when a high, girly voice called, "Siri!"

All three turned around to see a young blonde woman skipping over, carrying a picnic basket. Sirius, much to Remus' amusement, groaned and Frank laughed at his dismay. Remus lifted a brow, "What's wrong, _Siri_, not in the mood for your girlfriend?"

"She's not my girlfriend." Sirius muttered, looking away as the woman in question neared.

"Yeah, just a quick shag that's turned into a clingy hanger-on." Frank snorted with a roll of his eyes. They all shut up when Rosmerta reached them and flung herself onto Sirius' lap, completely ignoring his 'oof!' of pain as she dropped her basket to kiss him on the cheek.

"Harry told me you were down here," she chirped, "So I thought I'd come down and bring some food with me! I know how much you love my sandwiches."

Sirius muttered something about Harry and confiscating a map, but was drowned out by Frank, who was singing his praises of Rosmerta and reaching over to grab one of the infamous sandwiches from the basket. He leant across Remus' lap as he did and looked up at him with a gulp when he pulled back quickly. Remus, just having had a lovely, muscular arm brush against his crotch, smiled sweetly.

"Actually, I'm not hungry." Frank said quickly, "And I've got a class in fifteen. Gotta get – ah – over there and…you know…prep. Or something. Nice to see you again, Ros."

Those remaining watched him go with various degrees of curiosity. Remus got to his feet, too, his eyes on Frank's hastily retreating back, distractingly informing Sirius and Rosmerta that he had a question for him. Sirius looked like he wanted to protest, but was cut off by Rosmerta enthusing that they could have some time alone, so ended up glaring as Remus simply upped and left them to it with a grin thrown over his shoulder.

He headed over to the greenhouses and found Frank in one of them, carrying large pots of flowers around that attempted to take a bite out of him now and again. Remus smiled and went in, careful to stay clear of the Fanged Geraniums as he made his way up to the front of greenhouse five.

"They look vicious." Remus commented, grinning when Frank jumped and nearly dropped one of the pots. He set it on a table quickly and turned to face him. "Glad I never took O.W.L. level Herbology."

"Oh, it's good fun when you know what you're doing." Frank shrugged, grasping the stem of a particularly nasty geranium. Remus eyed the gloved hand, enjoying the confidence and sureness with which he handled the plant. "It helps when the students aren't completely clueless, too. Alice's son, Neville – he's pretty talented."

Remus skirted around the table, settling in a spot where he was far enough away from the dangerous greenery to not get a chunk chomped from his arm, and bent to rest his elbows on the table top, looking up at Frank, who looked back warily.

"Are you gay?"

Frank started to choke violently, apparently having swallowed a whole bloody hippogriff by the way noise he was making. Remus waited calmly for him to recover. It was a simple enough question and he wanted an answer – he had assumed the guy to be straight, but by the way he had reacted so immediately to Remus…well, there was obviously something more going on than his awesome seduction skills.

"I…" Frank trailed off, clearing his throat and looking away. Remus watched as the other man seemed to come to some sort of decision and looked back down at him with a small smile. _Here it comes_, Remus thought gleefully_, the confession. No matter that he's not straight. This one's fun to play with – who'd have thought a school would've had so many toys?_

"I am when there's a good reason to be." Frank finally answered, meeting Remus' eye. Remus felt his stomach flip at _that look_, but he didn't want to give a reply. Keep 'em guessing, that was his motto. Well, it wasn't. His motto was actually 'say no to alcohol, but don't blame yourself when it doesn't listen'. But hey, couldn't a guy have two mottos? Luckily, he was saved from having to think of a suave, seductive, yet mysterious reply and mosey on out, because there was a knock on the door. Frank started guiltily and turned to greet none other than Hermione Granger, who was watching the two suspiciously. She turned away from the herbologist and spoke to Remus.

"Sorry to interrupt, professor, but Professor Dumbledore sent me to find you and bring you to his office." She said importantly, lifting her chin expectantly. Remus held back a laugh – bloody prefects – and nodded, straightening up to meet her at the doorway. Before he followed her out, he threw Frank a grin over his shoulder, catching the other man already watching him leave.

Stage One: Complete.

Once they were inside the castle, Hermione casually glanced at Remus and said, "It's impressive that you've been able to find someone to your tastes so quickly, sir."

Remus raised his eyebrows and glanced over at her, seeing her smug smile. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Miss Granger."

Hermione shrugged as they before a gargoyle and turned to each other, "I'm a girl, Professor Lupin. I notice these things. Don't worry though, I read somewhere that the wizarding world is very accepting to homosexuals."

"I am aware of that, Miss Granger." He said with a laugh. She blushed, so he added with a conspiring wink, "Although, I'm not _homosexual_, more _bisexual_. No blagging though."

Hermione shook her head with a proud smile at having been confided in by the new teacher and turned to leave with a small wave. Remus chuckled to himself and told the gargoyle the password, which instantly sprang to life and shifted to reveal a rising spiral staircase. He stepped on and waited patiently to reach the top, where he knocked on the door to Dumbledore's office.

"Come in." a voice called from inside, prompting Remus to push the door open and emerge into Dumbledore's office. The impressiveness of the space hadn't changed since Remus' last visit there to accept the job – it was still filled with gadgets that he would just love to get his hands on. Fawkes chirped in greeting as the Headmaster gestured for him to take a seat on the other side of his desk.

"I believe you've met Harry Potter?" Dumbledore asked with a small smile. Remus blinked. _That_ definitely wasn't what he had expected to be asked about. Maybe why he had provoked a sixth year in attempting to curse him, but nothing about _Potter_.

"Sir?" Remus asked with a confused frown.

"Please, call me Albus." Dumbledore said, waving a hand, "I ask because I have a favour to ask of you concerning the boy."

"I've met him," Remus confirmed, certain that the man already knew this, "I taught him earlier."

"An intelligent boy." Dumbledore mused, the twinkle in his eye fading to reveal something more serious, "I'm sure Sirius has told you about his stories."

"He has."

"Whether you choose to believe me or not, Remus," Dumbledore said grimly, "They are true. Harry has come across hardships that no student should have to experience since his first year here."

"If they're true, surely there would be evidence." Remus said, unable to keep the scepticism from seeping into his voice. Dumbledore gave a grave smile at the observation.

"We have had to obliviate a few witnesses for various reasons. For other instances, we have simply had to keep certain things a secret. Such as Peter Pettigrew. You recognise the name?"

"That Death Eater who killed dozens of muggles for Voldemort in front of a group of aurors." Remus nodded. Dumbledore gave a more genuine smile this time, possibly at the use of the name 'Voldemort' – something many were still reluctant to use even after all this time.

"Peter was, in fact, framed. He is as innocent of the crime as you or I. Harry and his friends helped to ensure the man went free during his third year. I believe he currently resides somewhere warm, enjoying the sun from which he was withheld during his twelve years in Azkaban. He is, along with Sirus of course one of the boy's godfathers."

"Albus, I—"

"You don't need to take my word for it," Dumbledore interrupted, giving Remus a Look over the rims of his half-moon spectacles, "But know that I _am_ telling you the truth Remus. I have no reason to lie to you."

"Okay," Remus said slowly, not quiet believing the Headmaster anyway, "but what does any of this have to do with me?"

"I hired you for two reasons." Dumbledore said, his smile suddenly kind, "One was to teach the Defence Against the Dark Arts classes with more depth than we have ever had at Hogwarts alongside Sirius. I have always believed that the subject required two teachers, given its nature."

"And the second?" Remus asked, unable to hide his impatience when the older wizard paused.

"The second reason is to have someone experienced with dealing with troublesome characters around for my disposal." Dumbledore replied with some amusement, "I require you to keep an eye on Harry when you can."

"Why would I need to do that?"

"We have a visitor who has opted to stay unannounced. Delores Umbridge has been sent from the Ministry in order to accumulate evidence against me and the school. I believe her target is to present a sufficient amount of proof to the Minister of Magic that will allow for my removal and the Ministry's interference."

"What does Fudge want with Hogwarts?" Remus asked with a small laugh at the thought of the slightly simple Minister usurping Hogwarts from under _the_ Albus Dumbledore.

"He wants this mad old man away from impressionable children." Dumbledore chuckled, "I've tried to tell him that there's a possibility that Lord Voldemort may return and that the Ministry must take precautions should that dreaded prospect take place."

"_What_?" Remus squeaked. _That's right, squeak at your employer who just told you he wanted a hardened Dark Arts decrier. Really reassuring, that_. He cleared his throat, pretending he didn't see Dumbledore's entertained smile. "Voldemort could come back?"

"The chances are extremely slim, I admit. I have but two more objects to find that should thwart his return. Being on our guard, however, is advised."

"So you want me to…"

"Watch Harry for me, particularly when I'm away, searching for those objects. I don't require you to do much but simply keep an eye out for any trouble when I'm away."

"And just how am I supposed to keep tabs on him twenty-four seven?"

"With something I recently had Argus confiscate from Harry and his charming friends." Dumbledore said with a smile Remus might have called mischievous had it not adorned the face of one of the greatest wizards in history. Remus watched him pull out an old, dog-eared piece of folded parchment. He handed it over and gestured to it expectantly. "Your answer, I believe, is on that parchment. I must admit, the way to work it eludes me, so I'm afraid you'll have to work that out on your own. I do believe Sirius and James would be able to help you."

Remus took the parchment and stood, sensing that the meeting was over, and tucked it in the back pocket of his jeans. Dumbledore gave his attire a small smile, before lifting his hand in a wave and bidding him 'farewell, for now'.

**A/N2: **I'm wondering if I should include a little boy on boy action in the next update...anyone fancy a little woohoo?


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the following, only pull on their strings and make them dance

**A/N: **Apologies for the lack of updates, my lovlies, I went to London to visit the queen (take the tour around the state rooms of Buckingham Palace) and then performed in the West End (watched the musical, We Will Rock You – a must-see for diehard Queen fans ^-^), _plus_, my pre-ordered Saints Row IV came and I got sucked into _that,_ so I haven't made enough time to update this…hopefully this chapter is good enough to make you put down your torches and pitchforks…

**Chapter Six**

"Hey Siri!" Remus greeted Sirius when he entered their office and closed the door with a groan. Remus looked up from the parchment on the desk to see the other man glaring at him, his red pirate coat thrown over his shoulder.

"What?" Remus asked innocently, laying his wand down and trying to repress a grin.

"Dear Merlin, _please_ don't call me that." Sirius groaned, collapsing into the chair on the other side of Remus' desk instead of going to his own on the opposite side of the room. Remus raise his eyebrows questioningly.

"You don't like being called that?"

_Of course he doesn't. It sounds like something a girl would name her Pigmy Puff._

"Eugh, _no_." Sirius huffed, "Dunno why the hell she calls me that, it's fucking awful. Oi, where did you run off to earlier? I managed to escape Ros after a while, but Frank told me Hermione stole you away when I spoke to him."

Remus pulled a face, "Yeah, Dumbledore wants me to watch Harry. Make sure he doesn't get himself into trouble, you know, chasing his ghosts." He explained, twisting the truth a little, being unsure of whether he was allowed to tell anyone; Dumbledore was known for being rather secretive. _Shady bastard,_ he thought somewhat fondly as Sirius laughed and shrugged.

"Rather you…than…where did you get that?"

"Get what?" Remus asked, frowning at the surprise in Sirius' voice. The other man was staring at the parchment on his desk. "Oh, that. Dumbledore gave it to me, said he confiscated it. Which reminds me, he said you and James would be able to tell me how to work whatever the hell it is. Whenever I try, it just does this."

Remus picked his wand back up and tapped the parchment. Words appeared and they both leant forward to read it:

Mr Padfoot would like to tell Professor Loony Loopy Lupin to bugger off

Mr Prongs would like to notify Professor Lupin that sticking his nose where is isn't wanted is rather loopy

Mr Wormtail would like to add that the professor should now take Mr Padfoot's advice

Sirius sat back and laughed, clutching his belly and shaking with the sound. Remus watched him, feigning annoyance and tapping the parchment with a finger, waiting for Sirius to calm down. When he did, he chuckled softly and shook his head in amusement.

"Dumbledore entrusted you with this, so I suppose it's okay to tell you." Sirius smiled, looking down at the paper fondly, "Me and James and another friend made this when we were in our fifth year."

"You made a piece of parchment that insults people?" Remus asked with a raised brow, "It called me Loony Loopy Lupin."

"Brilliant." Sirius grinned, "That's just its defence mechanism. This, Remus, is the Marauder's Map."

Remus blinked, wondering if Sirius expected applause or something, "The what now?"

"Marauder's Map!" Sirius exclaimed impatiently. He flapped his hands around and whipped his wand out to hold it to the parchment and say, "I solemnly swear I am up to good."

Remus was going to make a smart arse remark about the password, but instantly forgot to when ink started to spread in blots and lines across the parchment, filling the intricately folded tool with the details of what seemed to be Hogwarts and the grounds around the school. He stared when the names of students, teachers and staff started to label themselves across the map. When it was finished, words spread across the top, reading, 'Messrs Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs are proud to present the Marauder's Map.'

He looked up at Sirius, who was already basking in the praise he obviously knew he was about to receive. "This is extremely advanced magic for fifteen year olds." He admired, watching as Lily's dot moved around the potions classroom in the dungeons, pausing beside students' dots, "Fixing everyone's identity to it is just...that's me!" he laughed, pointing at the dot in their office, opposite Sirius', "I take it the map adds people automatically."

"Yep." Sirius grinned, "Here's how to deactivate it. Don't want it falling into the wrong hands. _Mischief managed_."

"I'm guessing this wasn't used for good?" Remus asked with a laugh.

"Why, I'm not sure I know what you mean, Professor Lupin." Sirius said with a smirk.

"What does Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail mean?"

Sirius stopped smiling. "They're just stupid nicknames we called each other in school."

"I'm not stupid, Sirius." Remus reminded him. He waited patiently while Sirius contemplated something with himself, grimacing as he did so. Cute. _No, no, no, no, no. Not CUTE. Merlin, you need to get some action, Lupin. CALM YOUR HORMONES_.

"I trust you. I can already see that you're not a bad guy, but you have to promise me that you won't tell anyone. Not even Dumbledore knows about this." Sirius said gravely, leaning forward and giving Remus a hard look right in the eye. Remus nodded, waiting. "Me, James and our old friend Peter…we're all illegal animagi."

"Mmm." Remus hummed, having expected the answer. He chuckled at Sirius' expression when he realised he wasn't shocked. "Don't get me wrong, Sirius, to become animagi at fifteen is one of the most impressive things I've ever heard, but it was easy enough to guess from the names."

"Not even the teachers guessed what we'd done when we used the names," Sirius said with slightly narrowed eyes and a pout at having being worked out before he could make the bug reveal, "How did _you_ get it in a matter of minutes?"

"You forget, I've dealt with a lot of Dark Creatures in my time," Remus shrugged with a smug smirk, "The ones who were in league with each other used code names. I bet I can guess what your animal forms are."

Sirius lounged back in the chair again, a smile tugging at one corner of his mouth, "Go on then."

"Well, Wormtail is obviously either a mouse, or a rat. I'm going to guess rat, since a mouse doesn't say a lot about anyone's personality except that they're small. Prongs will be some kind of deer – prongs are antlers, yes? And Padfoot…admittedly, that one's the one that stumps me. Something with big feet, I reckon. Bear? Wolf?"

"Close." Sirius grinned and suddenly, there was a large black dog sitting on his chair. Remus laughed and clapped his hands together in admiration.

"Very good." He complimented as Sirius reappeared, "So you're Padfoot. Was I right with my other guesses?"

"You were," Sirius smiled, almost admiringly, "Wormtail is a rat. Prongs is a stag."

"I'm guessing James is Prongs, then. Can't really imagine him as a rat."

"Yeah. Peter was the rat." Sirius' expression immediately closed off, "Fitting, really, for a traitor."

Remus frowned. Obviously, no one except Dumbledore (and Harry and his friends – for fuck's sake, did those kids think they were the heroes of some kind of adventure story or something?), knew that Peter had somehow been framed and had not, in fact, been working for Voldemort during the war. Again, unsure of whether he could tell Sirius – he was really going to need to talk to Dumbledore again – Remus decided to change the subject.

"I had a code name, too, you know." He said offhandedly, hoping to catch Sirius' curiosity and make that bitter expression disappear. The other man smiled slightly and looked up questioningly. "It was Romulus. Course, if anyone knew their history, they'd know that Romulus was Remus' brother – you know, the twins who founded Rome – and connect me to that name. Not much of a barrier between me and their revenge, is it?"

"Not really, no." Sirius said, suddenly grinning widely, "I've got a better name for you."

"Do I want to know?" Remus asked, but he was smiling.

"Oh yes. Moony."

"I…Moony?"

"You're half werewolf, right? So, Moony."

Remus looked at the proud grin on Sirius' face and laughed, "You realise people are going to take that name the wrong way, right?"

"That's half the fun! They'll never guess."

"Well, I'm honoured." Remus chuckled, rising and folding the map away. He turned to their quarters, "Dinner's soon and I've heard a rumour that Rosmerta's special pies are on the menu. Better hurry and wash up before they're all gone, _Siri_."

"Bastard!" Sirius laughed, standing and chucking a quill at Remus, who dodged it, disappearing into the bedroom and shutting the door.

Remus' first three months flew by, filled with admittedly hilarious accidents by his students, watching Harry and co. (who were as ordinary as the fluff under his bed as far as he could tell so far), and weeks upon weeks of Sirius unknowingly tempting him with every ridiculous muggle costume and every loosely tied towel he walking in with from his nightly showers. Luckily, Remus found that – since Sirius did – it wasn't too suspicious for him to take a shower each night, too. His roommate didn't have to know that sometimes those showers were cold – or simply rather pleasurable and frustrating at the same time.

It wasn't all bad, though; he'd made fast friends, finding that he had made particularly strong bonds with Sirius, James, Lily, Alice and Frank. It was most likely because they were all of a similar age, but even so, he was grateful for such good company when he could have just been suffering through stuffy conversation circling the topic of 'in my day'. Of course, another good thing that had come up during those three months was Frank Longbottom. Frank. Dear Frankie.

What had turned out as initial (and apparently mutual), attraction, had morphed into something close to affection. Frank was easily his closest friend at Hogwarts, not counting Sirius, and the pair could often be found together during their free periods, when Sirius was with Rosmerta – something neither of them complained about. Neither Remus nor Frank had said anything to each other since that first day when Remus had questioned his sexuality, but they both knew the attraction – and considerably more – was there.

Oh, don't get him wrong, Remus still sweat buckets when Sirius ran a hand through _that_ hair, or chewed thoughtfully on _that_ lip, but now, it seemed, there were two men who had that effect on him. Bloody wonderful, right? Yeah, not really, but at least one of these men was actually a _prospect_. No matter how appealing Sirius was, it was becoming more and more apparent that he was a man who was totally oblivious to the male sex. Hadn't even blinked an eye when Remus had walked, naked as the day he was born, into their room. So Remus had given up and focused solely on Frank as a romantic prospect. Because, yes, he was no longer just a sexual distraction. He _liked_ Frank.

He had barely even had to consciously think of the List – it all just seemed to…_happen_. Anyway, here's how it went:

Step Two: Signals

Remus hadn't had to signal anything to anyone – by the time Halloween rolled around, it was so obvious that Frank was interested, there might have been an unfortunate (well, fortunate for Remus), incident right on the staff table, involving a very horny leprechaun and chicken in the punch bowl. They had shared their first kiss that night – a brief, strangely shy kiss outside Frank's quarters that had made Remus grin like a fool and Frank blush. _Blush_. People named Frank do not blush. That was what was so endearing about the sight, he supposed.

Step Three: Setting

This one happened by accident. Complete and utter accident. It had been the first snow fall on the first of November. Remus had been walking with Alice and Frank along the lakeside, on their way back to the castle from visiting Hagrid to collect the Red Cap that had been sent to the school for his third year class that afternoon, when Alice commented that she thought it was snowing. He didn't see it himself, until he glanced over towards the Quidditch pitch, where he knew Sirius was watching Gryffindor practice.

A flake landed on his cheek (how very cliché. Why not go for the nose? Make this entirely puke-worthy, for Merlin's sake), making him jump at the sudden cold spot on his face. He turned to agree with Alice and show them his melting flake in jest, but when he turned, Frank already had his hand stretched out. The warm skin of his palm brushed against his cheek, wiping the cool remainders of the ice away. Remus felt his face heating up for entirely different reasons – _he didn't blush, dammit! – _and he glanced behind Frank at Alice, catching her own blush as she looked away.

Once upon a time, Remus might have found this amusing to have some kind of vague evidence that Alice _did_ like Frank, as he had seen it between them before – but now, oh _now_, he wasn't quite so ready to give up what had started out as some fun and what had turned out to be something he really wanted. Especially with the way Sirius was getting wrapped tighter and tighter around Rosmerta's little finger. No, Frank was _his_.

Step Four: Eye Contact

No more kisses were shared between them since that fateful Halloween night, but Remus had to admit, the way Frank looked at him, watched him,_ stared _at him, was positively orgasmic. Those smouldering eyes would be on him every time he turned around at dinner, at _breakfast_, in the staffroom. Seriously, if those _looks_ kept coming like that, Remus was going to have a constant hard on. Just walking around the castle with an ever present erection might have been a bit of a problem, considering he worked with children.

One time when Remus caught Frank staring at him, Remus winked back. Watching Frank accidentally pitch his spoon at an irate McGonagall during breakfast had definitely been worth the strange glance Sirius had given him.

Step Five: Flirt

There wasn't really much more Remus could do in this department – the pair of them had been flirting since day one, anyway, so Remus simply decided to make the ultimate flirting move.

One cold, mid-November morning, Remus had gone to interrupt Frank's lesson with his second years to ask for some of the specialised water weeds he had had collected from the bottom of the Black Lake to make the Grindylow currently housed in his office more comfortable. When Frank had passed over the small tank filled with the weed bed, Remus had leaned forward ever so slightly and murmured: "Thanks, Frankie."

Frank had flushed a deep red, making Remus laugh as he turned to leave. Needless to say, by the way Frank gave him _that look_ every time Remus used the nickname, he was sure that he loved it like Sirius hated 'Siri.'

Step Six: Honesty

Admittedly, there wasn't much of this – well, there was, just small truths. No huge, stonking revelations were made by either Remus or Frank. The small truths, though, were surprisingly enjoyable to give up. For instance, Remus happened to let slip that he had a weakness for chocolate and the next morning he discovered a bar of Honeyduke's Finest on his desk. What a sweetheart, right?Come on, you're all thinking it. Right?

Step Seven: Dance

Okay, okay, this is another step that encountered a turbulence. And by a little, Remus meant that the flight to Australia had been _cancelled_. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, step seven was a no go. Not only was there a lack of a gay club (Hogsmead wasn't exactly where the party was at), but Frank had admitted to Remus that he had a substantial lack of _the moves_. Oh well, Remus wasn't all that fond of dancing anyway. Okay, he loved it, but hey, move on, move on.

Step Eight: Touch

So there had been no more kissed since October – no matter. Remus still got to _touch_ Frank. No, no, not like _that_, get your mind out of the bloody gutter. No, this _touching_ was more like accidental brushes of arms or hands in corridors et cetera, et cetera. Not majorly exciting, but Remus liked to pretend they were on purpose. And anyway, by this point, he was certain that Frank was playing his own games, trying to get Remus to break first, to make first contact. As if that would happen. All Remus needed was the right situation and the gloves would be off. Or any other item of clothing…

Step Nine: Tempt

Which is where step nine came in handy. All it took was for the Christmas Holidays to begin and for Remus, Frank, Sirius, James, Lily, Alice and Rosmerta to head out to Hogsmead to welcome the festive season with a warming glass of butterbeer. On their way back to the castle that night, they had been caught in a snowball fight with a group of excitable forth years, leaving them all soaked and shivering. James had imperiously suggested that would all go up to Gryffindor Tower to bag the fire and warm up. The others had agreed a little too loudly, their voices thrown by the firewhiskey they hadn't meant to move on to.

Using their 'teacher benefits', Sirius and James had ushered students away from the fire and they had all collapsed on the floor and basked in the heat of the fire. It didn't take long for the complaining of wet clothes to arise, which ended in the abandoning of the guys' shirts – in the almost deserted common room – and the girls moaning that they couldn't strip (James suggested shortly after that, that they should just 'go ahead and strip, the students won't care', which promptly earned him two slaps). Remus had glanced sideways at Frank as the Herbology teacher had lifted his knitted jumper over his head, appreciatively taking in the distinct hips and defined chest. He had, for once, pointedly ignored Sirius as _he_ had taken _his_ jumper off – knitted by Rosmerta herself, who was curling herself around her boyfriend as though to shield him from public view. But Remus most definitely was _not_ looking. Dammit.

Remus, having purposefully waited until last to strip, had pulled his jumper over his head slowly, letting it reveal each of his abs (earned with hard work and training in order to fend off overly friendly Beings), and ruffle his hair effectively before dropping it on the floor behind him. Much to his satisfaction, he had looked over to find Frank watching him, barely concealing his lustful stare.

He would have noticed Sirius' sideways glance, too, if Hermione had not trotted down the stairs to the girls' dormitories at that moment and dropped the glass of water she had been holding. They had all turned around to watch in amusement as she backed away, apologising in stutters and stumbles, all the while staring fixedly at Remus, explaining brokenly that she couldn't sleep and was going to start on her defence essay.

Step Ten: Jealousy

Unexpectedly, the last and final step had come about on the same night as the penultimate, ignited by James and the girls laughing and calling after Hermione that Remus could help her with her essay and that he was _skilful with a large amount of inches in his hand_. The wankers. Hermione had flushed a thousand shades of red, obviously having taken the _inches_ comment to mean something decidedly _other_ than parchment measurements, and had backed away and turned to flee up the stairs.

Once Remus had admonished them for insinuating that it would be okay for a teacher-student relationship to take place, he had sat back and laughed at the jokes concerning the bashful prefect and her 'inappropriate preferences'. Remus had only vaguely noticed that frank was being rather quiet, but the firewhiskey in his system wouldn't allow for much concern. They had sat and joked until they were dry and beginning to sober up, when Lily announced that she was tired and wanted to go to bed. The others followed after pulling their various garments back on, yawning and nodding and they had all filed out of the Tower to head towards their own quarters, even Rosmerta releasing her grip on Sirius and leaving to go down to her own bed.

Frank, to Remus' surprise, had told Sirius to go on ahead without Remus, as he wanted to speak with him alone. Sirius had backed away, hands up in defence at Frank's slightly snappy tone, but Remus had – again – missed the strange glance in his direction as he walked away. The moment Sirius had disappeared around the corner, Frank had backed Remus up against the wall and brought their mouths together in a kiss that was not at all like the one they had shared at Halloween. This one had been hard and possessive, tasting of the tang of alcohol and confidence, hands straying across clothes and skin, grazing over sensitive pulse points and rubbing against deprived bulges.

When he had pulled back, Frank had given him a hot, heavy lidded look and said in a low voice, "I don't want you to think about that Granger girl. Think about _me_."

To which Remus had simply laughed and patted his cheek fondly and started off towards his quarters, leaving Frank by the sleeping Fat Lady with, "Don't you worry, Frankie, I don't have a thing for underage girls." Remus had wiped his mouth with the back of his hand when he was out of Frank's sight and hoped to Merlin that he wouldn't run into anyone with the raging problem he was experiencing in his northern regions.

And with that – without even trying – the list was complete. Of course, things had changed a little since he had started with his plan-that-wasn't-really-a-real-plan-but-more-like- a-vague-and-ridiculous-idea to seduce Frank for 'practice'. Namely, because it had ended up as more than 'practice' and had moved on to something more serious.

**A/N2:** Ack. Sorry if there's any mistakes in there :P Feel perfectly free to point them out and jab me in the eye with the Fork of Grammar, or the Tea Spoon of Spelling. Maybe even the Chopsticks of Pure Common Sense and Plot. I have no excuse except for my shameful laziness and the calling of the Saints game.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the following, only pull on their strings and make them dance

**A/N: **I'm not even going to pretend that there's a pattern for when these updates come; they'll come when they come...anyone else read that and think something totally dirty?

**Chapter Seven**

It had all been going so well – until he saw them.

Remus was sitting in the Great Hall in-between Frank and Lily, enjoying homely food and good conversation. It had been a few days since Frank had made an advancement on him and since then, the man had been endearingly shy around him. He had met with him every day, though, be it with the others or alone and the times they spent alone were filled with nervous smiles and unsure kisses. Well, on Frank's side. Remus was much more eager to move their relationship to something steadier.

Like now, at dinner, Remus had his hand on Frank's leg beneath the table as he sat back with a satisfied sigh and picked up his goblet of pumpkin juice. He savoured the small intake of breath from his right as he answered a question posed by James on Lily's other side – Sirius was nowhere to be found. Frank, the strong man he was (mm-mmm, _strong_. *Licks lips*), continued to talk to Alice as though there wasn't currently a hand inching slowly up his thigh, moving from inappropriate to oh-wow-that-hand-is-really-too-far-up-my-oh!-yep-t here-we-go-ERECTION.

"I'll go check." Remus was saying to James, who was inquiring if someone would go look for the elusive Sirius, since he was thoroughly enjoying his treacle tart far too much to go himself. Frank dropped his hand from the table to close over Remus', who smirked over at him and stood slowly, squeezing his hand before dropping it and leaning down to whisper, "Gives you time to miss me."

Remus pushed open the door to their office and glanced at the map still lying on his desk (Harry still hadn't shown any signs of going off on misadventures), deciding to look for Sirius on it if he wasn't in their quarters.

He opened the door and stopped in his tracks. How had he not guessed? Of _course_ this was what he'd missed dinner for. Idiot. _Idiot,_ _Lupin_. Remus stood, trying to breathe around the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat, trying to stay on his feet at the sudden bout of nausea. Trying to look away from the shirtless Sirius hovering over a completely naked Rosmerta, leaning down for a kiss.

The scream broke the spell. Rosmerta shoved Sirius onto the floor and snatched the blankets up to cover herself as Remus swore and turned away, feeling his face flush heavily. Sirus spluttered for a moment, obviously trying to apologise for subjecting Remus to seeing _that_ (_fucking Sirius, arsing Rosmerta, buggering _sluts), but Remus was already leaving.

"Leave a tie on the door next time." He snapped, slamming the door behind him as he stormed out. He was livid, could feel the blood rushing through him, spurring him on as he raged through the castle, going to Merlin knew where, fists clenched, teeth grinding, a red haze clouding his vision.

Why the hell was he this _buggering mad_?

He shouldn't – didn't_, didn't _care – that Sirius was sleeping with that—that _woman_. Yeah right, of _course_ not. That was why he bloody _shuddered_ when he thought about Sirius fucking the bint. Eugh. _REMUS LUPIN, YOU DO NOT HAVE MORE THAN A CRUSH ON A STRAIGHT GUY. DO NOT GO THERE, WE HAVE DISCUSSED THIS. GO GET YOURSELF SOME GAY ACTION. FUCK IT, FIND A WOMAN IF YOU HAVE TO, JUST GET THAT IMAGE OUT OF YOUR HEAD BEFORE YOU DO SOMETHING STUPID LIKE JUMP BLACK._

Oh, bloody hell. Remus sighed heavily, the sound coming out as something more like a growl than an exasperated exhalation. He didn't know enough of the women here – like cooking/cleaning staff – to go to one for a one off shag. Hmm. There was one way he could get Sirius out of his system. He turned, pausing to give a suit of armour a good kick, earning himself a chorus of "loony loopy Lupin! Loony loopy Lupin!" from Peeves, who had floated around the corner at that exact moment. Remus ignored him, focused on his goal.

When he had reached his goal, he was far too gone to be surprised at finding Frank arriving there at the exact same time. Frank blinked, startled to see him at his quarters and Remus distantly wondered what he looked like, since he felt like tearing up the castle. He found he didn't have enough room left in him to care, though, so he advanced on Frank before the other man could work out what was happening, smashing his lips against his, nipping insistently at the bottom and sliding his tongue along the bite, urging his mouth open to deepen the kiss.

Remus ran his fingers down Frank's arms, resting them on his hips. He dug in firmly and yanked the other man's hips hard against him, grinding a slow circle, making him _feel_ him as he continued to control the kiss, delving his tongue forwards and stroking along the smooth palate. Frank broke away, gasping for air, so Remus moved down to his neck, sucking bruises under the skin and making his mark; he could feel his wolf rearing it's head beneath the four scars that symbolised the barrier between it's confinement and it's freedom, taking control in the only way it could – through his desires. Frank tilted his head back with a breathy moan that sent a pleasant tremor shuddering through Remus. When he raked his nails down his back through his jumper, Remus pulled back and turned an intense stare on Frank.

"You need me." he breathed, rolling his hips against Frank again and watching his eyes close. The wolf wouldn't allow him to speak the truth, to utter the words, _I need you_. Frank knew nothing of the wolf forever locked inside him, so he couldn't guess, couldn't see through the hot gaze and possessive grip. "I can feel it."

Frank nodded, opening his eyes. Remus felt a growl rise from his deep in his chest and saw the other man's eyes dilate with arousal. Releasing him with one hand, Remus reached behind Frank and opened the door, stumbling them both into the room and kicking the door shut. Remus attacked with another kiss, before pulling back and doffing both Frank and himself of their shirts. Frank ran his hands down over Remus' chest, fingers lingering over his scars.

"Gods, you're gorgeous." he said hoarsely. Remus batted his hands away impatiently.

"Bed." he commanded. Frank nodded and took his hand to lead him through into the bedroom. Remus pushed him back onto the bed and climbed on top of him, unbuttoning Frank's trousers with deft, sure fingers, savouring the groan as he yanked them down.

"Oh, shit." Frank mumbled, staring down as Remus skimmed his finger teasingly just beneath the elastic of his boxers.

"Which position would you prefer?" Remus asked, hearing his voice as though it was someone else speaking, too calm, to poised for what they were doing. Careless, yet so uptight the contrary emotions collided and created a cold, blank creature with claws and a nasty bite.

"I've only ever…" Frank trailed off and shuddered as Remus inches his hands lower, slowly sliding the boxers further and further down, "…with one man."

Remus lifted his brows at that – he _had_ assumed that Frank was firmly bisexual. Obviously not, huh? Either way, he couldn't break through the daze to care.

"What do you want me to do?" Remus aske with a smirk. Frank looked away, suddenly self-conscious, clearly not wanting to say whatever it was out loud. Remus decided he needed an incentive, and pushed his boxers all the way down. Frank made a small keening noise, but only received Remus' hot breath washing over him, making him groan.

"Say it." Remus ordered, "Tell me, Frankie."

"Fuck me."

"Sorry, I didn't quite hear that." Remus leered, "Come on, louder. _Louder_."

"_Fuck me, Rem_."

Remus slid his hand over Frank's thigh, watching the other man watching him, feeling his body quivering beneath his fingers in anticipation.

"Oh, I'll fuck you." he murmured, his hand gliding, making Frank jolt at the feather light touch. "I'll _fuck _you." He repeated with a growl, pushing Frank's clothes off properly and descending on him without warning. Frank yelped as he worked on him, a sound that digressed into a long moan when Remus gradually relaxed his throat.

"Oh, please." Frank whined, lifting his hips off the bed a little. Remus released him with a 'pop' and pulled himself up the other man's writhing body to kiss him thoroughly. Once he lifted up slightly, he lifted his hand and sucked a finger deliberately into his mouth, coating it with slick saliva and reached down, pushing Frank's legs apart. The other man's eyes widened when the finger pushed into him, slowly forcing through the tensed muscles.

"Relax." Remus murmured, taking his finger out and lifting his hand again to stroke three fingers along Frank's bottom lip. Frank opened his mouth and sucked them into his mouth. Remus knew his pupils had dilated, knew the wolf was snarling and pawing insistently, driving him towards the release he needed. Once the job was done, Remus reached down again and – rather unceremoniously – shoved the three fingers into Frank, watching with hungry eyes as the other man cried out at the sudden invasion, and thrusting them into the man until he was a gibbering mess.

He was ready. The wolf growled in the back of Remus' throat as he settled himself between Frank's legs, pushing his jeans and boxers down just enough, not able to wait any longer to properly undress. He leaned down and thrust his tongue into Frank's mouth, giving him one last kiss before sitting up on his heels and asking if Frank had anything. The other man nodded, flustered by Remus' brusqueness and reached over into his bedside table to pull out a condom.

"Mmm, lubed. You've been waiting for this, have you?" Remus smirked, glancing down at the foil packet in slightly detached amusement before tearing it open with his teeth and rolling the condom on, looking up after a moment to find Frank biting his lip, legs spread, hand on himself, moving in slow anticipation. Remus flipped him over and moved forward to straddle his thighs, kneading the firm mounds of flesh hungrily and parting them roughly. He took hold of himself and pushed in. He took it slow, giving the other man a chance to adjust to the sensations, hearing the long, drawn out moans and feeling the deliciously clenching and unclenched muscles hesitantly gripping at him.

Once he was fully inside, Remus pulled out almost all way. Frank groaned and lifted his hips, trying to push Remus back inside him, but Remus only smirked and pulled back further, leaning down and covering Frank's body with his own, grabbing his wrists and pinning them at the top of the bed, slowing sinking back into him as he did, tearing a low whine from him.

"What is it that you wanted me to do, again?" Remus asked mockingly into Frank's ear before licking along the shell slowly, "I seemed to have forgotten."

"Fuck me." Frank moaned, canting his hips up at Remus, who jolted and was forced to consciously control himself. The wolf in him sneered at the idea of being controlled by another man's desires and snapped its teeth, ordering for complete control.

"How?"

"_Hard_." Frank gasped, "Please, Remus."

"Yes." Remus breathed, drawing back again to a keen from the other man.

He couldn't wait for more begging. Remus thrust down, into Frank, hard and fast, forcing his whole length into the other man with relentless, blind lust. Frank cried out with something that sounded like pain, so Remus adjusted his angle slightly and was rewarded with a rambling gasp of his own name and several overwhelmed profanities.

Remus fucked Frank with abandon, satisfied that he was experiencing his own pleasure, and slammed the other man down into the mattress, aware that he was being rough, aware that there was no love – let alone affection – in the act. Aware that rage and jealousy were fuelling the relentless pistoning of his hips.

Frank started to cry out continuously, repeating Remus' name like he was cursing a deity, clutching the sheets with hands still entrapped by his accoster's merciless grip, and Remus knew he was coming, reaching his climax, releasing himself onto the bed sheets. Muscles clamped around him, milking him so tightly it was almost unbearable. The wolf inside howled and Remus was shuddering silently as he peaked, thrusting jerkily into Frank a few more times before collapsing on top of him, panting hard, sweat pouring from his forehead, trickling down his back and legs and pooling around them to soak the soiled sheets.

"Oh, shit." Frank gasped, twisting his hands to entwine his fingers with Remus'.

"Shit." Remus agreed with a slightly different intonation. The wolf had receded, content now that its selfish urges had been fulfilled. Which left Remus with the guilty realisation that he had used Frank – someone he liked perfectly well – as a reaction to catching Sirius with someone else.

_Someone else_, he thought bitterly, _Someone _else_? As though he was cheating you?_

"Shit." He repeated wanly.

**Hmm, I seem to have this thing in my stories where either Remus or Sirius walk in on the other with someone else…I have issues ¬_¬**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the following, only pull on their strings and make them dance

**A/N: **By the way, I've put Ginny in fifth year with Harry, Ron and Hermione, which is why they're in the same dorm – simply because forth year seems too young to be getting up to the things mentioned here…well, maybe I'm old fashioned? Either way, that's what I think and why I've done it. Maybe she's Ron's twin? Impossibly close-of-age sister? I don't know, just use your imagination, people.

**Ps.** (I just love postscripts, don't you?) Just a short chapter, but a chapter none the less. Enjoy! R&R ^-^

**Chapter Eight**

Remus eventually freed himself from Frank's sleeping clutches and pulled his vest on, slinging his jumper over his shoulder and scooping his shoes and socks up before leaving the herbologist's quarters. He had left a note, of course; he had no intention to hurt Frank, so he had left a message on the pillow letting him know that he was fetching a change of clothes and asking Rosmerta to have some breakfast sent up to them. It had almost been seven in the morning by the time he had woke up with Frank's arm draped across his waist, so he guessed there would have been a strong possibility that the other man might have woken up to find him gone.

He was still angry, yes, but more at himself than at Sirius. He had no right to be man at Sirius – not to mention, he had thought that he had gotten over the initial, school-girl crush and simply thought him attractive. Well, apparently not, seeing as a red haze had descended simply by walking in on Sirius with his girlfriend and things had gotten out of hand. He had tracked down Frank shagged him senseless. No. The _wolf_ had shagged him senseless. Remus had been getting good at suppressing his wolfish tendencies in such moments, but that time…well, he hadn't been so lucky and had been taken over without him even realising it. As a man who didn't consider himself to be an actual werewolf, he had to admit that sometimes the Ministry's classification was right.

"P-professor. Oh, Merlin…"

Remus looked around to see Hermione Granger standing behind him, obviously on her way to breakfast or the library or something as equally ridiculous at such an hour during the holidays. He watched as the girl coughed awkwardly switched between tugging on her jumper and checking her flyaway hair was still in its messy bun, her eyes flickering between Remus' clothes thrown over his shoulder and in his hand. It was obvious what he had been doing, but he'd be damned if he would let a teenage girl – his _student_, for Merlin's sake – make him feel uncomfortable.

"Miss Granger," he greeted her with a smile, "What are you doing up? You do realise, it's Christmas Eve? No lessons to get up for, you know."

"Ah, yes…" Hermione said, shuffling her feet and glancing away, looking guilty, "Just need to, err, fetch something from the hospital wing."

"Is someone hurt?" Remus asked, his teacher mode pricking his ears in concern. Hermione opened her mouth and he could tell she was about to lie, when another girl's voice called her name from around the corner. Hermione went to silence whoever it was but the damage was done.

"I think we're gonna need more of that Evanesco Hangover potion than we thought, Hermy. Lavender woke up a moment ago and she can't even look out the window, let alone…" Ginny Weasley rounded the corner enough to see that Hermione wasn't alone and trailed off before giving Remus a wide, winning grin that cracked enough to make him believe that she was in need of some of the potion herself, "Good morning, professor."

"I guess that answers my question." Remus smiled kindly at Hermione, who looked like she was close to silently having a coronary at being caught. The good little prefect, caught by a teacher whilst sneaking out to get hangover potions. Cute.

"Oooh, Hermy" Ginny said with a grin as she sidled closer to Hermione, who muttered something like, "Don't call me that", glancing over Remus in a way that made him want to indignantly remind her that he was a teacher. She leant over to whisper something in Hermione's ear that made her blush profusely and Remus wondered whether the other teachers were right and that she did, in fact, have a crush on him.

"Don't look so panicked, Miss Granger," Remus said with another kind smile, "And Miss Weasley, although you don't look at all bothered by the fact that a teacher had just found out that minors have somehow managed to get their hands on alcohol."

Ginny shrugged, grin in place, "I can tell you're cool, Lupin."

"Professor Lupin," Remus corrected automatically, "I'll let you off since it's Christmas Eve, but know that if this happens again, I won't forget to hand out detentions next time."

"Of course, professor." Hermione nodded dutifully, still glowing red.

"Who else was involved so I can watch out for them, too?"

Ginny scowled, but Hermione answered immediately, "Harry, Ron, Neville and Lavender. We're the only Gryffindor's here, sir."

"Thank you, Miss Granger, Miss Weasley. Be on your way." Remus said, meeting Ginny's sulky glower with a wink. Hermione nodded quickly and grabbed her friend by the arm, dragging her away.

Remus was still laughing softly to himself when he entered the office and knocked on the bedroom door. No one answered, so he cracked the door open and peered inside. Sirius' bed was an empty mess of tangled sheets, so he ducked inside and tossed his clothes on his own bed, pulling his jeans and underwear off and opening his trunk to dig for fresh clothes. The bathroom door opened and Remus turned just in time to catch Sirius standing in the doorway wearing a loose white shirt tucked in on one side, sinfully tight trousers and wet, tousled hair that indicated that he had just had a shower, _staring_ at Remus. Well, the look barely lasted for more than a split second so he wasn't _staring_, but he was definitely flicking his gaze quickly over Remus' body.

Supressing a thrill at the thought of Sirius checking him out by telling himself that he was most likely simply surprised to find a naked man standing in the room when there certainly hadn't been one when he had gone for his shower, Remus pulled out clean underwear and tugged them on, glancing over at Sirius again to find him – disappointedly – looking away and searching through his own trunk. Turning back to looking for his elusive clothes beneath his books and other stuff he still hadn't bothered to unpack, Remus sighed and forced himself to remember Frank waiting across the school for him.

"Look, last night—"

"Don't." Remus interrupted, finally finding his robes – deciding, for once, on wearing wizarding clothes – and pulling them on as he turned to Sirius, who had donned a knee length green coat with gold epaulettes and fringing on the shoulders and a thin yellow scarf draped loosely around his neck that brushed his toes. _Damned ridiculously sexy clothes_, Remus cursed inwardly. "Don't apologise. I was just…in a bad mood." He finished lamely.

"I was going to come after you," Sirius said quickly, before glancing away. Remus watched as his face flushed a light pink, "'Cause, well, you know. Getting interrupted kinda ruins the mood."

"Yeah, sorry about that. Where is Ros, by the way? I'd like to apologise to her."

"She had to go down a couple of hours ago to do breakfast." Sirius said, waving a hand, "No, I would have come down, but I didn't because when I looked on the map to see where you went, I saw that you were with…well…"

"Frank, yes." Remus mused, wondering if Sirius could have seen what they were doing with the map. Of course he wouldn't, but he would have seen that their labelled splotches of ink were too close together for far too long for their meeting to have been anything innocent.

"So…" Sirius shoved his hands in his pockets, avoiding Remus' gaze, "You're, err, gay, then?"

"Gay? No."

Sirius looked up, frowning, "Then what—"

"I like women, too." Remus clarified with a smile, "So I guess I'm bi."

"…Right."

"You okay with that?"

"Oh, err, yeah."

"Right. So, I'll be going back to Frankie, then."

"Frankie?" Sirius squeaked in a very un-Sirius like manner that made Remus chuckle, just talking with the man made his bad mood wash away as though it was never there.

"Mmm. So I'll see you at lunch? I'm going down to the kitchens to bring Frankie some breakfast." Remus smiled, lifting a hand as a goodbye and moving towards door. He was just closing it after him when Sirius called out to him.

"Why him?" Sirius blurted. Remus stopped and turned slowly, frowning at the urgency in Sirius; voice. When he met the other man's eyes, they were full of surprise at himself and uncertainty. Something Remus was very familiar with was confused straight men who probably weren't, actually, entirely straight. It wasn't an expression caused by him, no, it was the insecurity and fear of someone who had been wondering about themselves for a good, long while now.

While it was an interesting revelation to find that Sirius was second guessing his sexuality, Remus saw it as another reason to stay away. The last thing he needed was to be an experiment for someone. _And you're not considering it anyway, because you're with _Frank_ now, Lupin. For Merlin's sake, focus!_

"Erm, I mean…"

Remus stepped in, cringing inwardly at Sirius' confused frown, "You want to know why I like men as well as women, don't you? Well," he smirked at the other man's slightly guilty expression, "Twice the action, right?"

Sirius blinked, speechless for the first time since Remus has known him and nodded once. Remus laughed softly under his breath, feeling…well, _sad_…and left. He pushed the matter from his mind as he walked down to the kitchens, tickling the pear on the portrait of the fruit bowl near the Hufflepuff common room like James had shown him, and entered. The place was bustling and hot, filled with busy cooks and loud voices. In the mists of the chaos was Rosmerta, wearing a flour covered apron with her curly blonde hair pinned back, ordering various groups of staff around. Remus stood for a moment, unnoticed, savouring the delicious smells floating around the kitchens.

After a moment, he moved forwards, pushing gently through the staff carrying trays of uncooked loaves of bread and platters of macaroons, towards Rosmerta and waved to get her attention. Her cheeks coloured at the sight of him, making Remus feel slightly more apologetic and slightly less murderous.

"Cooking dinner already?" he asked politely. She nodded, flustered.

"Means we can take the day off." She smiled, "It is Christmas and I'm not that mean a Head Chef."

"Of course not." Remus smiled kindly, before morphing his expression into something more fitting for the occasion, "Look, I came down for two reasons. Firstly, I'd like to apologise for last night. I shouldn't have snapped like that, as I trust you were far more embarrassed than I was."

"That's fine, Rem." She smiled, "I was under the impression that Sirius had told you we'd been planning to use the room last night."

Remus shrugged with a small smile.

"So what was the second reason?"

"Ah, yes. I won't be going to breakfast. Would it be possible to have some breakfast sent up to Frank's rooms?"

"Frank's?" Rosmerta grinned, "Siri was mumbling something about the two of you last night. Alice and Lily are convinced the two of you are together."

"Are they now?" Remus asked with a laugh.

"Oh yeah. Alice thinks it's hot." She giggled, signalling a short woman over. _Thinks it's hot, hmm? I'll have to watch her_, Remus thought with a frown as Rosmerta gave some orders to the young cook to have something sent up to Professor Longbottom's quarters as soon as possible before turning back to him, "There you are. Should arrive in ten minutes or so."

"Thanks, Ros." Remus said, patting her arm and turning to leave, "I'll see you later."

"You awake yet, you lazy bastard?" Remus asked with a grin as he pushed open the bedroom door. Frank turned over in the bed and grumbled some sort of muffled insult back, the curses swallowed by the pillow into which he had his face pressed. "Sorry, didn't quite catch that."

Frank lifted his face up to repeat, "I said, you better have brought food back with you, you useless fuck."

"Ah," Remus laughed, moving to sit on the bed, leaning back against the headboard, "So I'm a useless fuck, am I? That wasn't what you were saying last night."

Frank pushed himself up, pulling the blanket to cover himself from his waist, and shifted close to Remus, snuggling against his chest, "Okay, you're not a useless fuck. But you are useless."

"You're still a lazy bastard."

Frank elbowed him in the ribs and laughed. Remus chuckled and kissed the top of his head fondly. "How are you feeling?" he asked softly, "I'm sorry for being rough last night…I don't know what came over me."

"Sore." Frank grimaced, before smiling, "But don't apologise, you were brilliant."

"So were you." Remus said truthfully, relieved that no more damage had been done between them than a sore arse.

"You're wearing robes." Frank observed, "For the first time since I've known you."

"I figured they'd be easier to take off when I need to do so in a hurry." Remus grinned when he looked up at him. Frank turned to face him and kissed him with obvious intent.

"Why don't we test that theory now, sore or not?"

"Can't." Remus said softly when Frank moved down to kiss along his neck. He could feel the wolf humming at the pleasant sensations even as Remus tried to consciously calm himself, "Ros has someone sending some food up to us."

"So you're not completely useless, then," Frank laughed, pulling back and settling himself back against Remus with a small sigh, "There'd better be bacon."

**A/N:** Okay, so is anyone else having a problem with the Doc Manager here? Because when I try to create a new upload, it keep going to an error page and doesn't work until I do the whole process over a few times – is this my fault somehow, or is it just something that happens? Bloody thing…


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the following, only pull on their strings and make them dance

**A/N:** I'm redoing my last year at college starting tomorrow (health reasons, not because I failed everything. Honestly!) so updates may be quite infrequent, but stay tuned. I _will_ finish this fic and my others :)

**Chapter Nine**

"So what're you going as?"

Remus turned to Frank from where he was washing his face in the bathroom with questioningly raised eyebrows, "Going as?"

"Mmm. To Christmas dinner." Frank grinned from the bed where he was lounging and fiddling with the buttons on his pyjama top, "I've got a merman costume lined up."

"Wait, _what_?"

"The fancy dress theme? You know, the one Dumbledore made compulsory for students and teachers?"

"What?" Remus repeated flatly, turning around and leaning back against the sink, "I did _not_ get this memo."

"Oh…" Frank shrugged and pulled a face, "Why not?"

"Dunno. Maybe I tuned old McGonagall out again in the staffroom. You can't blame me."

"Not at all." Frank smirked, "I'll bet I know what distracted you."

Remus glanced away guiltily. _Yeah, Sirius' arse right in front of me. I can just see it now…_

The door burst open suddenly, saving the situation from getting too awkward when Remus didn't answer for far too long, and a giant bunny, a fairy, a siren, a veela and a dementor surged in, shouting choruses of "_happy Christmas!_" and "eep! Presents, _preseeennnts!_"

Remus and Frank froze where they were, staring at James the bunny in an extremely fluffy costume that must have been suffocating him, Lily the fairy with pink sparkly wings and a tutu that both clashed with her hair, Alice the siren with hair made magically longer and a fish tail (which Remus found a little odd to look at, since she was kind of, well, _hovering_ above the ground), Rosmerta the veela with a long, clinging red dress and smoky make up and, last – but most_ certainly _not least – Sirius the dementor in such a scarily accurate costume, Remus had a mini heart attack when he realised his wand was out of reach when he saw him.

"Um…hi?" Remus said uncertainly, walking through into the bedroom and sending the odd looking group a questioning look, "What are you doing here?"

"To wake you two up, obviously," Lily answered, rolling her eyes, "It's Christmas! And Frank, we know you're together – Sirius told us, so stop trying to hide." She added, making Frank flush and cease his efforts of sliding inconspicuously under the covers while Alice giggled.

"What are you two going as?" Rosmerta asked, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

"Merman." Frank answered to another ream of giggles from Alice, making Remus shove his hands into his pyjama pockets to stop himself from diving at her and punching her. _My Frankie_, the wolf growled softly. "Remus hasn't got one."

"WHAT?" Sirius shouted, throwing the hood of his cloak back – which just made him look like a man in a black cloak – and leaping over at Remus to grab his arms, his eyes full of concern, "No! Dumbledore's rules say that if you don't dress up, you have to sing Christmas carols at dinner! _I have heard you singing in the shower and no one else needs to hear that_."

"His singing's fine." Frank said indignantly. Sirius shot him a look over his shoulder.

"Oh, shut it." He snapped, "Just 'cause you're shagging him, doesn't mean to have to lie your arse off about the mandrake wailing he calls _singing_!"

"Whoa, calm down, Sirius." James muttered in the awkward silence that followed his outburst. Remus pursed his lips, pulling free of Sirius' grip.

"I do _not_ sing like a mandrake." He sniffed, making Sirius laugh. Remus chuckled, not noticing Frank giving them an uneasy glance. Rosmerta skipped up and flung an arm around Remus' shoulders with a wide grin.

"Sirius could lend you something to wear!" she suggested with a wink.

"You have another costume?" Remus asked Sirius sceptically. Sirius grabbed Remus by the wrist and dragged him from the room, calling to Frank over his shoulder that he was stealing his boyfriend for a while.

"I'm in my pyjamas, Sirius." Remus said drily as he was tugged insistently through the halls of Hogwarts.

"So?" Sirius laughed, "It's Christmas! No one will care! Just tell them it's your costume."

"If Hermione Granger sees me, she'll faint."

"Oh?" Sirius asked as they entered their room. He sat Remus down on his bed and turned to his trunk, pulling out items, seemingly at random, "You think she's really got a thing for you?"

"I dunno…maybe…that doesn't matter. Why did you tell the others about Frank and I?"

Sirius halted in his search and straightened up, looking over at Remus who had his arms folded, and gave a slightly guilty shrug. "I didn't think you'd mind."

"I think Frank minds." Remus snapped, "I'm only the second man he's ever been with, so he's probably not entirely _thrilled _to be advertised as a man that's getting fucked by another man."

Sirius opened his mouth, seemingly to apologise, but he paused and tilted his head, "So he's the one getting it up the—"

"_Black_."

"Sorry! Sorry!"

"You should be—wait, did you think _I'd_ be on the bottom?"

"I…"

"You did, didn't you?" Remus asked narrowing his eyes, "The fact that I'll happily take either position is irrelevant – why would you _assume_ that I took the _bottom_?"

Sirius was turning an interesting shade of red, so Remus sighed and waved a hand to signal for him to go back to searching through his trunk again. The other man pulled something out and held it up with an "aha!" Remus looked up at the thing and saw that it was, in fact, a pair of leather trousers. He glared at Sirius.

"I am _not_ wearing leather trousers."

"Aw, come on!" Sirius pouted, "You'll look really hot. Maybe Granger will _actually_ faint."

Remus laughed and took the leather trousers with a shake of the head as Sirius flung a black, silk shirt at him, a blood red, knee length jacket and a bag of something that rattled suspiciously. Making a noise that sounded something like "fine," he stripped out of his pyjamas and slithered into the leather trousers.

"Lucky we're the same size, huh." he commented as he buttoned them up and turned to look at Sirius – who was staring at him with a slight frown. Remus sighed, turning away again and pulled on the shirt, starting to do up the buttons.

"No, no, no, no," Sirius fussed, snapping out of his confused daze and spinning Remus around to undo some of the buttons he had fastened, leaving the shirt undone down to his navel and messing around with it to make it hang open. "Now tuck it in – but loosely – go on, I'm not doing it for you."

Remus did as he was told and turned to look in the mirror. "Oh, dear lord. I look like a fucking tosser."

"Trust me, it's cool." Sirius chuckled, holding up the jacket for him to shrug into. He turned away for a moment and came back to fasten a large, silver cross on a long chain around his neck. "There you go. You're a rockstar!"

"I just look like me in stupid clothes." Remus said drily. Sirius rolled his eyes at him in their reflection and sat him down on his bed. Remus saw him pick up the suspicious bag and was about to protest, but Sirius was already on him, coating the area around his eyes with something and then running something sticky through his hair.

"_Voila!_" Sirius grinned, heaving him up and shoving him back over to the mirror. Remus lifted his eyebrows, surveying his the black eyeliner that had been caked around his eyes and his new hairstyle – which had gone from his usual wavy mess to something that actually resembled a style, if a little punkish.

"Not bad." Remus admitted, getting to his feet and yawning, "Gods, I'm tired. Any clue _why_ we have to dress up? Honestly, if we didn't have to show up in costume, I would still be in bed."

"It's midday." Sirius said with mock disapproval.

"Exactly." Remus nodded seriously. Sirius snorted and pulled his hood back up. The thing must have had some sort of charm on it, because his face disappeared and a creepy, hoarse breathing sound was emitting from it. Either that, or Sirius was actually a dementor in disguise as an eccentric wizarding teacher. Although, that might actually be pretty cool. Think of the stories he would have to tell people. Remus followed Sirius out and walked down to the Great Hall with him, laughing at the occasional comments on their costumes from amused portraits.

Inside the Great Hall…well, it was certainly something. It was, Remus thought with a laugh as he took the seat beside Frank, the oddest company with whom he had had ever sat down to dinner. Which was certainly saying something, since he was known to have been invited to sup with a vampire, his veela wife and their half-breed child. Their pet chimera (which was what Remus had actually gone to talk with the mismatched family about, since chimeras were impossible to train and keep as domestic pets), had caused further complications – the thing had managed to escape when Remus had been accepting a rather delectable looking éclair and had set fire to the next door's hedges – which had been considerably awkward, seeing as the neighbours were a particularly irritable group of nymphs hiding out from the Ministry after avoiding registering for muggle living space before buying, so Remus had had to drag a continuously fire-breathing chimera and four rather violent nymphs back to the Department of Magical Creatures while trying to explain that he _wasn't_ stealing their pet, he was a Ministry worker, to the furious vampire who only spoke Norwegian and was trying to get a good snap at his neck. All in a day's work.

"You look...err," Frank cleared his throat and continued, "Quite good actually."

"Thanks." Remus chuckled, pointedly ignoring the fact that Frank was wearing a matching floating tail to Alice's, "Sirius hooked me up with some of his muggle clothes."

"Sirius?" Frank repeated, looking away. Remus looked sideways at him curiously and shrugged just as Dumbledore stood (dressed as a muggle fireman, which was…interesting), and spread his arms to welcome the teachers and students. Remus looked around at said teachers and students, enjoying the various costumes people had donned. McGonagall was looking fetching as a giant pigmy puff, Harry was sitting in a moving puddle with webbed hands and claimed to be a kappa and Ginny and Hermione had come as both halves of a centaur. Hermione, the unfortunate rear end of the centaur, blushed furiously when Remus' gaze skimmed over her. He looked back at her, lifting an eyebrow unconsciously and unknowingly making her blush harder.

"Welcome, and merry Christmas!" Dumbledore was saying cheerfully, "Since Halloween was so successful, I thought it might be fun to dress up today, too and how right I was! I'm glad to see that almost everyone has joined in to enjoy the spirit of the occasion. Now, Severus, would you like to sing a carol? The choice, of course, is entirely yours."

Dumbledore sat down and everyone's eyes swivelled to Severus Snape – a man Remus had made a point not to run into too often since his first day at the school – who was dressed in his usual black robes, his greasy hair hanging limply around his face. He sneered at the amused, expectant looks he was receiving, but made no move to stand up and sing.

"He _has _come in costume!" James piped up from between Lily and Sirius, "Sirius, mate, he's done a better job with the dementor thing than you."

Sirius' bark like laughter echoed around the Hall as Lily hissed angrily at James and Snape twitched. Remus watched with quiet interest, eyes on Snape and fingers ready to catch his wand from inside his sleeve. No one was outwardly threatening the other, but he had been in enough sticky situations to know when an atmosphere had turned sour and potentially dangerous.

"Come on, Snape, the students want to hear a carol," Sirius sang, his smirk showing in his voice, "Oh! Do _How wonderful the ways of Christmas_!"

There was a flurry of movement and panicked shouting that ended with Sirius and Snape both on their feet with their wands aimed at the other. A dementor was a scary enough costume, but the sight of a dementor with a wand was enough to make Remus shiver. James rose to his feet slowly and Dumbledore shifted as though he wanted to intervene but wanted to see if they could fix it first themselves. Remus got up from his own chair, wand still tucked away but, as always, there at the ready, and laid a hand on Sirius' arm. Another tense moment passed by and Sirius pushed his hood back to glare at Snape before turning to march from the hall with a brief sideways glance that told Remus he was supposed to follow. He did, the others taking their seats again, confused by the sudden heightened tension between the two teachers.

"Now that the live entertainment has finished, why don't we tuck in?" Dumbledore's voice could be heard drifting towards the other end of the Great Hall, where the muggle rock star smiled fondly to himself before sobering up again and hurried after the dementor.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the following, only pull on their strings and make them dance

**A/N: **The mysterious note in this Chapter is the title and one of the lyrics from the Fall Out Boy song 'My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark' 3 Now, I'm redoing my last year at college ('cause I was in hospital most of this and last year, not 'cause I failed :P honest!), so I started this week and I'm positively knackered, so I'm sorry if this chapter is a bit off kilter. Anywho, enjoy!

**Chapter Ten**

"Are you going to tell me what that was about?" Remus asked with a sigh. Sirius had stormed through the castle, apparently having no plan as to where in the hell he was going, before coming to a standstill in their classroom. Sirius shrugged, pushing his hood back to reveal his scowling face. Remus moved to sit on one of the desks, making a show of waiting patiently for an explanation.

"He…" Sirius clenched his fists, "He was involved in some dodgy business investments with my younger brother years ago. Regulus, my brother, ended up dead. He was only eighteen."

"I'm sorry." Remus frowned, "What did Snape have to do with it? If you don't mind me asking, of course."

"No, no." Sirius shook his head slowly, "They were involved with Voldemort during the warm helping Dark Creatures in support of him over the border into the country. Reg got in over his head and ended up paying for his mistakes. I didn't find out he'd been murdered by his own side until the war was over."

Remus watched silently as Sirius paused briefly to calm himself, his fists unclenching and settling in his lap.

"Snape was the one who told me. Dumbledore let him work here after the war – some crap about repenting and regret or whatever. Old man held a meeting with the three of us and I found out. Wasn't till a week later I found out that Snape had been in the position to stop it and hadn't." Sirius laughed, low and humourless, "Oh, he loved telling me that. Alone, out in the forest. No witnesses. That's how he wanted it, me attacking him with no one to say that he'd been provoking me."

"Why?" Remus asked softly.

"We didn't exactly get along at school." Sirius answered tightly, "And when James finally got Lily in our seventh year…well, he wasn't happy to say the least. He'd always liked her, but he blew it when we were young. Been bad blood between us all since."

"But especially you and him since the war." Remus supplied softly. Sirius nodded, looking away. _Is he crying?_ Remus thought curiously, _I'm really not good with dealing with that stuff…_ But he wasn't crying – Sirius turned, something odd flashing in his grey eyes, and moved towards Remus.

"And now he's watching _you_," the animagus snapped, "Everything he's ever wanted to do to James to hurt him, he can't because it'll hurt Lily, too. So he does it to me." His voice lowered and Remus suddenly realised how close he was standing, "Takes away my remaining family who might have actually grown to care for me again to make my life a lonely misery. And now you. Taking away what's_ mine._"

A pause, during which a shiver ran its way down Remus' spine before Sirius seemed to realise what he had said.

"I mean…you're not- you're not _mine_, mine. Just, like...my friend. Right?" The other man stumbled, looking to the ceiling for answers. Remus sighed and shrugged.

"Yeah, of course." He answered, hoping he sounded comforting, "Snape won't be able to touch me."

"And why would I want to touch a queer?" asked a sneering voice from the doorway, the inflection on 'queer' making it sound offensive. _Fucking snake_, Remus thought venomously as he turned to address the N.E.W.T. level potions master.

"Why are you talking to one?"

"Dumbledore asked me to locate you both." Snape answered bitterly, "He also suggested that we set aside our differences and go back down to enjoy Christmas."

"As heartfelt as that was," Sirius snapped, "I think I'll pass. And Rem isn't gay."

"I wasn't aware that Longbottom was a woman."

Remus bristled at the derogatory tone Snape used whilst mentioning Frank. He stepped towards him, his fingers itching to turn his wand on the man. There was something more about this man – not that he had a past of being a Deatheater, that wasn't exactly surprising, although the fact that he had been allowed to teach children was (what the hell had the Headmaster been thinking? _Oh hey, here's a guy who used to go around AKing people as a living – I know! He'll make a bloody good teacher! Who better to be around kids than a homicidal maniac?_ Well, at least he only taught the older kids. But still…). No, there was something almost _familiar_ about this guy, just not from the war. He'd never come across Snape during those dark years; he'd been far too clever to get caught back then.

"Snape…Snape" Remus muttered thoughtfully, narrowing his eyes at the potions master, "Severus Snape…_oh_."

"What?" Sirius asked quickly, coming to stand protectively beside Remus. Snape pursed his lips, obviously knowing that Remus had realised who he was.

"You…You're the guy who was involved with Greyback."

"_What_?" Sirius demanded heatedly, while Snape just stared back at Remus steadily.

"Your name was everywhere his was in his records at the Ministry when we were researching him. Some guy named Tom Riddle was the boss of it all—"

"Yes," Snape interrupted with a tight smile, "And then Greyback forgot to use his brain again and thought he'd bite you and your partner to teach the pair of you a lesson for sticking your nose where it shouldn't be."

"It was _our job_." Remus hissed through gritted teeth, fingers twitching even more, "My partner got bitten for doing his job – if he had just done what we had asked, none of that would have had to happen."

"He got bitten." Snape snarled "Greyback died. I lost everything when you killed him."

"What do you mean?" Remus frowned. Snape's laugh was low.

"We were building up numbers again after the war," he informed Remus as though he was an idiot for not piecing it together, "Tom Riddle was the Dark Lord's name and the alias of the cause for rebuilding an army to fight against the Order of the Phoenix. Part of the plan was to create more werewolves to train for our disposal."

"Well I'm so sorry I had everyone under the name of Tom Riddle looked into and incapacitated for questioning," Remus said sarcastically, "I don't see how _you _lost anything. You managed to gain the trust of Dumbledore straight away – _I _spent the whole time being turned away from jobs because I got scratched by your little investment."

"Forgive me if I have no sympathy for a gay werewolf. I was reduced to begging Albus, an enemy at the time, for my life. I lost my high standing with the Dark Lord. I lost Li— I lost those I loved for good because they found out that I was involved with the wrong people." Snape said nastily. Remus snapped and drew his wand, in Snape's face faster than it took to it to say babbling, bumbling band of baboons. Snape didn't flinch, only glared across at Remus, hands in the opposite sleeves of his robes calmly. Sirius also realised he was most likely ready to whip his wand out because he pulled his own out and trained it on the hook-nosed man.

"At least I know why you disliked me from the start." Remus said coolly.

"Disliked you? I can't stand you." Snape corrected coldly.

"You need to leave." Sirius said in a low voice, glancing at Remus. He couldn't speak, was shaking with disbelief and anger. This man, this _snake_, hated him for defending him for a rabid werewolf and ending his terrorist career? It was ridiculous, it wasn't _fair,_ when he faced prejudice from every potential employer – when he had almost starved to death because he had gone without pay for so long. And he was standing in front of him, telling him that he _couldn't stand _him_?_

"That's really rich, Snape. Real rich." He growled, lifting his wand to press it under the other man's chin. Snape stepped back with a mocking laugh, turning to leave. Completely undaunted by the trained Dark Creature researcher's (_'researcher.'_ Ha, right. That's what they told the concerned civilians anyway), and the pissed off Black's wands on him.

"Merry Christmas, Lupin. Black." He called over his shoulder as he left, "Your gifts can be to stay out of my sight."

The door swung closed behind him and Remus tucked his wand back into his sleeve in irritation. He looked to see Sirius fuming, his clenched fist shaking around his wand, his expression one of struggle and rage.

"Sirius, calm down." Remus said with a small sigh, turning to him to forcibly take his wand and lay in on a desk behind him. Sirius turned to him, looking helpless, and Remus realised that he couldn't comprehend what it would feel like to have the reason for his brother's death right in front of him and have nothing to do about it. Going without food was one thing, going without a loved one was something else altogether. "I'm sorry." He said quietly, knowing it sounded out of context but knowing it was something he needed to say. Sirius' expression turned into something Remus couldn't decipher – before he could even try, the other man had jumped on him, shoving him back against the wall.

He was on fire. Burning under lips smashed roughly against his own – under grasping, pulling, pushing, _needing_ hands. They collided with what felt like a dark implosion, falling into each other. Drawn together. Magnetised. The heat of a tongue pushing against his own made him feel like he was melting and freezing all at once. He was stuck between the self-built walls of his own emotion and defence, his fucked up ideals and plans. Attempted fate had failed and here _he_ was, hanging onto him like he was lost in darkness, like he lusted for the essence of his very life, sucking his soul from between his lips and keeping it tight with the teeth that pulled on his skin. The game was over, smashed into pieces and suffocated with the heat of his hands everywhere, but nowhere – he wanted more, needed his everything.

It was over before it had a chance to begin, yet so much _had_ begun.

Remus stood with his back pressed against the stone wall, feeling the irregular surface pressing sorely through his borrowed clothes, staring at Sirius who had stumbled backwards after being pushed away. Chest heaving like the other man really _had_ been trying to steal his life by sucking it out of him – true to his costume, ironically; but this was not to time to be ironic – Remus realised that he was terrified. Terrified of the violence of his reaction to Sirius' kiss, to his forwardness, to the feel of his body pressed against him from their thighs to their chests.

Sirius stared back at him, everything that was flooding through his mind plain on his face, over his tightly coiled body – he couldn't believe that he had just done that, hadn't wanted it to end, didn't understand why he did it, didn't understand Remus' reaction – it was like Remus was looking at the other half of himself, feeling the other's emotions as though they were his own.

_Frankie_.

_Ros._

The thought flitted through the both of them at the same time, rushing through them and jolting their consciences awake – and the connection was gone, Sirius' barriers fell down, blocking anything past his eyes and Remus felt suddenly, horribly, alone. Locked out of his thirty second ecstasy. Sirius stumbled back another step – one hand grasping blindly for his wand, the other lifted in apology as he spilt words from his mouth that meant nothing. Nothing compared to the memories fading to something bitterly sweet and forbidden as he made his escape from their classroom. Remus slid down the wall, running a hand through his hairspray coated hair, the godless and holy taste of Sirius on his tongue, a living oxymoron of confusion and understanding.

"Damn it, Black." He breathed, rocking his head back against the wall, already feeling the emotional wounds from tomorrow burning across his skin. Shit like that wasn't forgotten quickly.

Remus returned to his quarters that night after thinking alone (hiding), in the forest. Sirius, as expected, wasn't there and he didn't expect him to turn up anytime soon. He pulled off his friend's clothes and threw them over onto the other bed, intending to take a shower to scrub the scent and feel of _him_ from his skin and – hopefully – from his thoughts. However, before he even turned around to go to the bathroom, something lying on his pillow caught his eye. He leant over to see what it was.

It was a piece of torn parchment, with one line written in a script that somehow came across to Remus as violent that read:

_My songs know what you did in the dark_

**R&R! I haven't been getting as many reviews lately and it makes me sad *sniff* *flutter lashes* apart from my usuals and others, who I luurrrrve both platonically and sexually (in a totally fanfic way...shut up, it makes sense). So yeah, review and you get a strip tease from the puppy of you choice. Or Frank, if you so wish. Better yet, how about question time? Review with a question for the boys and they'll answer :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the following, only pull on their strings and make them dance

**A/N: **Thank yee all for the lovely reviews! Maybe I should bribe you lot more often :L So, here's another update! Enjoy!

**Chapter Eleven**

The Christmas holidays ended, the New Year rolled in and classes restarted. Remus and Sirius taught together as though nothing had happened, mostly – which was _fine_ with Remus; he had a _boyfriend_ for Merlin's sake – and the former pretended that someone in the castle didn't know about The Incident and was sending threatening notes, while the latter disappeared at every opportune moment to prove his masculinity by sinking his dick into every woman that came along, despite his growing relationship with Rosmerta.

The months passed, at first awkwardly and then more smoothly, until Easter rolled around and things were pretty much back to normal between the both of them, as Remus tried not to think about how much he needed Sirius' mouth on his again and Sirius tried not to think about his elusive sexual orientation. On the first day of the holidays, Remus could be found slipping into his slacks and searching through his trunk for his favourite Queen t-shirt when a note fell from the shoe he was holding. He opened it up with a frown that deepened when he saw the scrawl.

I'm just dreaming of tearing you apart

_More bloody obscure threats_, he thought irately, _this guy had better show himself soon so I can kick his arse. Assuming it _is_ a guy._

The door slammed open behind him, making him jump and drop the note. Remus turned to smile uncertainly at Sirius, who stormed in and flung himself onto his bed. He looked over at Remus, who was bending to retrieve the note and quickly looked away again, his face flushing slightly. Remus gulped as he realised his shirtless state and reached to grab the first t-shirt he could, yanking it on and hoping to Merlin it wasn't backwards. With a quick check, he was satisfied it was on the right way round, but had to supress a sigh at seeing that it was an old, washed out grey one with a small hole on the chest. Whatever. It wasn't as though he had anyone to dress up for; Frank was busy setting up some secret surprise Dumbledore had organised with the Ministry for the holidays. Bloody Ministry, taking away his sexy time.

"What's up?" Remus asked, sitting on the bed opposite Sirius, "Your latest squeeze kick you out of bed before you'd gotten all of your beauty sleep, did she?"

"Har bleeding har, Lupin." Sirius snapped. Remus raised an eyebrow, plucking a cigarette from the pack on his nightstand and lighting up with the tip of his wand. He shifted back to blow the smoke out the window into the crisp spring air and waited for the other man to get over himself and realise that Remus was only trying to tease. Eventually, Sirius sighed and rolled onto his side to face Remus and watch him inhale and exhale columns of smoke.

"Did you know," Sirius asked conversationally, "That Ros tends to go her staff's quarters to personally wake them up if they're not in the kitchens on time?"

"No, I didn't know that." Remus said, pulling a face and tapping the ash from the end of his cigarette against the stone of the castle wall outside. "Why are you telling me this exactly?"

"Because she came to check on the girl I slept with last night." Sirius said flatly, "And again this morning."

"Ah." Remus grunted with a non-committal lift of one shoulder. What the hell was he supposed to say? Oh, well done for shagging yet _another_ broad right under my nose! While I'm at it, would you prefer a shoulder to cry on, or an applause for letting Ros catch you? Of course he didn't say that, but Sirius made no attempt to expand either. Remus felt obliged to continue his contribution to the topic, "So…did she dump you?"

"No." Sirius scowled, his words contradicting his expression, "She screamed at the girl, but when it came to me…she was almost _apologetic_, like was _her_ fault I cheated."

"Wasn't it?" Remus asked.

"No." Sirius replied quietly, giving Remus a Look that read, _because it's mine that I'm confused_. Remus looked away, acting like a chain smoker as he quickly finished his cigarette and stubbed it out on the wall, and got to his feet. Sirius watched silently as he pulled a navy blue knit cardigan from his trunk and pulled it on, followed by a dog-eared paperback that was hastily tucked under his arm.

"I'm going out to read for a while before the lunch announcement." He explained, hasty to escape Sirius' searing stare. _I thought we were over this! _He thought anxiously, _well, I wasn't and he's obviously _still_ confused, but I thought we were ignoring it! Pretending that. It. Never. Happened._ Sirius didn't make a move to follow, thank Merlin, only lifted a hand in farewell. Remus hurried out, releasing a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding, and escaped from the castle. He stood for a moment, closing his eyes and relishing the fresh morning air. No students were out at this time on an April morning – they could all be found in bed, savouring the warmth and laziness of a catered holiday with their friends. Dumbledore and the Ministry had both requested for all students, if possible, to stay at Hogwarts during the Easter holidays for a 'big announcement'. Naturally, every student and staff member had stayed, waiting in anticipation for the surprise.

Some thought the Ministry was planning to come and collect DNA from the purebloods to create more pureblood families. Others believed that Dumbledore was going to be replaced with Dolores Umbridge (a rumour spread by the Malfoy boy and then protested in outrage by Harry – Remus seriously needed to get onto the task Dumbledore had set him, now that settling in had been dealt with…for several months now…). Most were just tagging along for the ride.

He had a few hours before the reason for everyone's presence was explained at lunch, so, with his book tucked under his arm and his cigarettes slipped into his pocket, Remus strolled through the empty grounds to one of the tree beside the lake and sat with his back against the rough trunk, tugging his cardigan tighter around him.

"It's a beautiful day," he sung under his breath, drawing his knees up and waving at the Giant Squid as it lazed on the surface of the Black Lake, "The sun is shining, I feel good."

"And nooo one's gonna stop me nooooww."

"I thought I'd left you in the castle to mope." Remus said in amusement as Sirius sat beside him with a thump.

"Yeah, well…" Sirius mumbled uncomfortably. Remus chuckled and patted the other man's knee.

"Apology accepted," he assured Sirius, "Now, I assume you wanted to talk and distract me from the steamy romance I was about to read?"

"I suppose. It's just…" Sirius trailed of and started again, "Ros…she should have ended things, but instead she's…I don't deserve it. Not with how many people I've—you know…"

Remus lifted a brow at the inarticulate answer, but nodded anyway, "I believe she could be under the impression that she's lucky to have you. She could be planning to keep you no matter what, whether your attentions wander, or whatever else comes up."

Sirius flinched at the implication, but shook his head.

"Do you want to be with her?"

"…I guess."

"Good enough. Stop screwing around. That can wait until you've properly decided you don't want her anymore. Otherwise it's not fair." Remus said matter-of-factly. The gods knew he'd felt awful when he'd had to face Frank after The Incident. Obviously, he hadn't told him, but the trusting smile Frankie had greeted him with when he had gone to bed with him that night...

"Okay." Sirius murmured, "Thanks, Moony."

Remus smiled at the nickname Sirius had given him but never used until now, and opened his book on his knees.

"So, a steamy romance, eh?" Sirius joked, nudging him and grinning as he tried to get a glimpse at the writing on the pages, "Should I be confiscating that, Mr Lupin?"

"Possibly." Remus grinned, "It's got a good plot though. It's not all about sex. Although the sex _is_ hot."

"Why do you read them? Intelligent guy like you should be reading mysteries or something that uses your brain. Or sci-fi, you strike me as a nerd sometimes." Sirius added with a wink.

Remus hesitated before answering, "That day you and Ros stumbled into my compartment on the train? I was reading one then. I hate travelling, magical especially but muggle too, so I read to take my mind off it. I've tried other genres, but this is the only one that can really distract me. It's like the soft storylines and fluff lull me into a sense of security."

"So you read them when you're nervous?" Sirius asked quietly, "I made you uncomfortable up in the dorm, then. I'm sorry."

"Don't flatter yourself." Remus snorted, "I was already planning on coming out to read. I need to finish this book, _badly_, so I can start fangirling with Liz down at the bookshop in Hogsmead about our ship."

Sirius rolled his eyes and told Remus to shut up and read, so he complied, eyes lowering to the pages. The breeze picked up after a while and Remus shivered, causing Sirius to glance sideways at him and transform into Padfoot. Remus had only seen him as his animagus counterpart a few times, so he still stared at his glossy black fur and the doggy grin for a moment before shaking his head and returning to his book, drawing his knees up further to warm up a little. Padfoot made the action redundant, however, when he shuffled closer and laid his head on his lap. Remus dropped his legs under the weight of the heavy dog, but smiled as he felt warmth spread through him.

"Cheers, Pads." He grinned, propping his book up on his back. Padfoot yipped in reply and settled down, leaving Remus to his reading. He had been reading for a good hour or so, the black dog snoring contentedly against him and a cigar settled between his teeth (the really _good_ kind that he saved for days when he just felt like he _deserved_ it), when the sound of several running footsteps broke through his peace. He looked up peevishly to see Harry, Ron and Hermione sprinting across the grounds, wands out, a rippling piece of strange looking fabric clutched in the Potter boy's fingers.

Remus marked his page and set the book down, squinting his eyes suspiciously as the teenagers hurried past without noticing Remus or the black dog sleeping on him and disappeared into the Forbidden Forest. Cursing loudly and attracting the startled attention of the group of whispering first years whom he had previously shushed when they had tried to ask him if the dog was his, he dug into his pocket – jostling Padfoot, who snuffled rather adorably in his sleep – and pulled out the Marauder's Map. Unfolding it and muttering the incantation, he spotted Harry and co. stopped in a clearing in the forest with—

"What in the world?" he breathed, staring at the name. He considered that the map could perhaps be lying, or tricking him, or could just be simply wrong, but – as Sirius had told him a short while ago – the map never lied.

Shoving his book into his cardigan pocket, he got to his feet and started towards the forest at a run, dislodging a confused dog at the same time. Padfoot frowned a doggy frown and lolloped after him, catching up and sending him a questioning glance.

"In a minute, Pads. Just be a good boy and keep your mouth shut." Remus muttered distractedly as they entered the forest, cigar clenched between his teeth. Nearing the clearing where he had seen the kids, he slowed, reducing his speed and making sure he found sure footing to ensure nothing would snap or creak under his boots. Padfoot padded along silently beside him and nudged his leg when he spotted Harry and his friends.

"Who's that?" Sirius whispered once he had transformed back, standing close to Remus so as not to be seen, "Do I need to kick her ass and report her? In that order."

Remus simply pulled the map out and showed the name to Sirius, looking back over to the furious discussion the kids were having with the intruder. He wasn't close enough to hear what they were saying, except for the occasions when their tempers got the better of them and he caught snippets such as, "Dumbledore is the greatest wizard who has ever lived!" and, "Don't you dare talk about my mother like that! _Yo_ momma so stupid, she tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order!"

"Dolores Umbridge?" Sirius read slowly. Remus turned, nodding, to see Sirius staring over at the extraordinarily pink woman, both in skin tone and clothing. In fact, she rather resembled a large, pink, smug toad as she goaded the teenagers, wand raised tauntingly.

"You know her?"

"Do I _know_ her?" Sirus asked with a growl-like laugh that very much resembled Padfoot, "She nearly had the school closed."


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the following, only pull on their strings and make them dance.

**A/N:** Eugh, I am such an evil person, luring you all into thinking my updates were going to keep coming – well, I'm back at college, applying for university (_again_. Blah), helping to organise my grandparents 50th anniversary who are over from Jamaica (which includes tracking down all 36 siblings of my Nana's and inviting them and their families. Yes, you did read that correctly. I am related to half of Jamaica :L), and getting ill like an idiot, so updates might not appear all too frequently now. Do not despair though! They will come eventually! Anywwaaaayyyyy, another chapteeerrrrr…

**Chapter Twelve**

"What are you doing?" Sirius hissed as Remus pulled his wand out and started towards the group arguing in the clearing, "She's nuts! You can't just go out there waving your wand around!"

"I can and I will." Remus frowned, pulling his arm from Sirius' grasp, "Our students – your godson – is over there with someone who Albus has considered a threat and part of my employment here is to keep those kids out of danger. Harry plus this woman obviously equal trouble."

With that, Remus strode into the clearing, wand twirling between his fingers and cigar clenched between his teeth – hell, he wasn't wasting a perfectly good smoke for some creep-possibly-pervert-slash-paedophile on the school grounds with three clueless children. The four promptly shut their mouth as they laid their eyes on him and the scowling professor behind him. The woman – Umbridge – blinked at the new arrival and turned, straightening her shoulders, to face him.

"Mr Lupin." She said in a high, shrill voice, "Your students have been following and harassing—"

"Is Albus aware that you're hear, Dolores?" Sirius asked vehemently. The toad-like woman turned to him and hissed…_hissed_? Okay, let's back that up for a minute there…

"Dolores, my dear." Remus said gently around the cigar, lowering his wand and taking a careful step forward. He could feel Sirius', Harry's, Ron's and Hermione's eyes on him at his sudden change in demeanour towards the woman, "Are you feeling quite alright? Been near any…er…rabid kneazles recently?"

"Why would you want to know?" Umbridge asked, visibly working to get her haughty attitude back, "Mr Lupin, I do hope that you are not accusing me of what I think you are—"

"Not accusing," Remus cringed, his fingers tightening around his wand, taking his cigar from his mouth. This woman was going to take some effort to talk to. Coherency might just help his situation here, "Just suggesting."

"—because if you are," the woman was screeching now and Remus could see that something had snapped behind his eyes. The little wolfish senses he had told him to back away but he defied his instincts and stood his ground when Umbridge neared, "I would like to inform you that I was the one who had you sacked from your job at the Ministry _and I still have the means to make sure you NEVER WORK ANYWHERE AGAIN_."

Remus paused, lowering his hands from where they had been lifted – wand in one, cigar in the other – in a hopefully placating manner, his brows furrowing and his eyes darkening. "What?" he asked, his voice slightly hoarse.

"Oh yes," Umbridge smiled sweetly, "I, Mr Lupin, am the reason you went without a decent meal for months. I am the reason you can't find a job outside of Hogwarts that isn't given by the fool of a headmaster."

"HE IS NOT—" Harry started, but was cut off by Sirius covering his mouth with his hand, knocking his glasses askew with a roll of the eyes. Ron and Hermione gave their friend withering glances at his usual behaviour. Meanwhile, Umbridge had turned her glare on Harry as Remus tried to come to terms with standing before the reason for coming so near to starvation. He could feel his unfinished wolf clawing to the surface, itching to leap forward and tear that manic grin from the toad's face.

"This foolish boy has no idea that he is interfering withe couHHHpo0H the most important work in wizarding history," Umbridge hissed (yes, _hissed _again. Remus was either tripping on something unidentifiable in his cigar, or his guessed explanation was true and they were in more trouble than he had originally thought. Jeez, he was getting rusty at this.), "The Minister will thank me when he finds out what I have done for him."

Was it just him, or could Remus actually hear her _purring_?

"What sick job has he sent you on this time?" Sirius snarled, "What position in the Ministry will you get for _ruining_ lives?"

"Oh, he doesn't know." Umbridge said quietly, the purring instantly ceasing, "And he won't until I've finished. I—" she choked off and took a shaky step back, "I'm one of _them_, of _you_!"

With that obscure statement, Umbridge turned tail – literally; she had a long tail protruding from the hem of her skirt with tabby markings – and ran. None of the remaining party had the heart to go after her, the image of that _bloody tail_ burned into their retinas.

"Was that…?" Hermione asked weakly.

"She had a ruddy _tail_!" Ro exclaimed with an amused snort.

"What did she mean, she's one of 'them' of _you_?" Harry asked Remus with a level look. Sirius sent him a concerned glance from behind the boy and nodded towards him with a questioning glance. Remus shook his head in a silent answer. No, Umbridge wasn't a werewolf. He would have sensed her on the grounds right away – she was something else.

"You three need to get back to the castle." Remus told the indignant teenagers distractedly, looking back in the direction in which Umbridge had…well…_waddled_ was the only word for it if he was honest; her figure really was inappropriate for the sort of speedy get away she'd probably been going for.

"Sir, with all due respect—" Hermione started.

"Yes, with all due respect because I am your professor." Remus interrupted, his normally placid tones laced with a sharpness that made the girl colour and bow her head, "And as your professor, I am asking you – no, telling you – to go back to the castle."

"We're involved," Harry protested, "We deserve to know."

"Yeah, Harry's parents' jobs could be in trouble." Ron reasoned.

"Detention, tonight, my office, all three of you." Remus said conversationally, lifting his cigar to take a few leisurely puffs as he tucked his wand back up his sleeve, "Castle. Now."

Harry locked his eyes on his calm professor's, breathing heavily, his wand still raised. The wand twitched slightly, as though he wanted to turn it on the teacher. The atmosphere in the clearing thickened uncomfortably. Remus exhaled a cloud of smoke, keeping eye contact with the boy's glistening green eyes. Before he could speak, however, Sirius had grabbed Harry by the arm and spun him around furiously.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he demanded of Harry, "Are you going to attack a teacher to go chasing after a maniac? Harry, what did she say to you?"

Harry, his eyes still on Remus, hesitated. Sirius grasped his chin and forced his face around to face him. The green eyes followed a few seconds later, meeting Sirius' grey ones with a frown exactly like his mother's. Then he shook his head stubbornly. Behind him, Ron made a show of checking his watch and mumbling about the Ministry in the Great Hall. Sirius sighed and released Harry with a shake of the head. Ron followed when the bespectacled boy stormed off towards the castle. Hermione hesitated, looking at Remus.

"Sir, I'm—"

"Midnight, Miss Granger." Remus said shortly, not in the mood to deal with her silly crush at that moment. He gave her a look as he took another puff from his cigar and rotated it a little absentmindedly between his fingers. Hermione bowed her head and took off after her friends. In the silence that followed, Remus took a final puff and held the smoke in his mouth for a long few moments, his eyes closed before exhaling it in a rush.

"That was my last one." He muttered, extinguishing and vanishing it with his wand, "I'd hoped to have it under more enjoyable circumstances."

"What did you mean when you said that part of your employment is to keep the kids safe?" Sirius asked as they started back through the forest at a swift walk to make it on time for the announcement.

"I'm supposed to be watching over Harry in case he gets into one of his little adventures." Remus said with a small smile, feeling unsure as to whether he should say anything more. After all, Dumbledore had hinted that not many people knew about Pettigrew's innocence, or the truth of Harry's past 'adventures'. He looked for a topic change, but didn't need to, spotting a group of loitering students down near the lake as they emerged from the forest.

"I'll go get those lot and bring them to the hall. I'll see you guys in there." Remus said, turning away to go to the chatting group throwing what looked like croissants to the Squid, but Sirius caught his arm and turned him back towards him. Remus met his eyes and instantly tried to recoil, the look in those thunderous grey eyes painfully reminiscent of their stolen kiss in the classroom.

"Do you ever picture him in just a t-shirt?"

Remus was so surprised that Sirius had broken the silence by asking a question instead of jumping him again, he didn't even laugh at the absurdity of the question. Instead, he stared at the other man and blinked, most likely looking rather idiotic.

"What?" he asked stupidly, aware that Sirius' fingers were still wrapped around his wrist.

"Do you picture Frank in just a t-shirt?" Sirius explained impatiently.

"Okay, err…" Remus choked back a laugh, "Well, firstly, why would I need to picture it when he would do it for me? Secondly, of course not. A man in just a t-shirt is disturbing, Sirius. Too any things…hang."

Sirius looked away towards the lake and mumbled something to Remus about fetching them inside before disappearing towards the castle. Remus chuckled under his breath and ran a hand through his hair. The action turned his head a little and allowed his peripheral vision to catch a glimpse of something white pinned to a tree. He turned curiously, but the feeling dropped into a pool of dread in the pit of his stomach when he saw the torn parchment and familiar writing. He yanked it down and glanced down at it before slumping back against the tree, skiving students forgotten.

Burn everything you love, then burn the ashes.

_What the fucking hell does that mean_? Remus thought, feeling slightly more panicked than usual. The first note had merely been stating that his blackmailer knew that he and Sirius had kissed. The second, he supposed, was a threat to ruin his life (the evidence of which he hadn't yet witnessed and wasn't exactly looking forward to), whereas this one was actually stating an action. Was this person going to burn something of his?

"Oh, Merlin's hairy ball sack. Sirius." Remus whispered, terrible images of a dark, menacing shadow shooting fire at a cowering man. Most would assume the images to be ridiculous or paranoid, but Remus' old work would forever haunt his mind – especially from the war – so he couldn't shake the feeling that something awful had happened.

His feet finally started to work again, pushing off the ground to run a couple of paces towards the castle, when a raven haired man burst out at the same time. Remus stared across the grounds at Sirius, watched the man bending over and panting.

"_Fire_!" Sirius shouted, "Remus, _fire_!"

In the split second before Sirius' next words, Remus hastily wondered what it was that had been set alight if it wasn't Sirius or so related. Frank. That had to be it. So why was he _so bloody_ calmly thinking about a burning Frank instead of _moving_?

"It's our room." Sirius called, beckoning him as he turned to run back inside. Remus snapped out of his confused stupor again and sprinted inside, quickly catching up to the other man and turning to run through a certain point in the wall that took them straight up to the Defence corridor. The heat blasted them instantly, nearly sending them straight back through the wall to the first floor corridor. A couple of Ministry officials were busy keeping the flames under control and casting a few complex charms to make them die down. More witches and wizards tried to push them away from the fire and back to safety. The heat was nearly unbearable, the angry flames licking along the far wall of the corridor and snaking into the classroom, no doubt invading their office and living quarters.

"Good god." Sirius breathed, "My _clothes_."

Remus looked across at him, shielding his eyes from the flames and the eye-watering heat, to take in the bright purple blazer, black shirt and green jeans and laughed, the sound a mixture of hysteria and upset – before a sudden thought took over him, making him freeze and his eyes widen.

"Frankie." He croaked through the ash caught in his throat, "God, Frankie!"

He turned without another thought and sprinted away, flying towards Frank's rooms at a speed he hadn't known he had possessed. _Surely he'd be down in the hall anyway,_ he reasoned helplessly with himself, _even if something has happened, he won't be there. He won't be there._

He skidded to a stop outside Frank's room, panting and muttering incoherently in relief at the apparently unaffected air of the place Sirius stopped beside him and patted his back, assuring him soothingly.

"He'll be down in the Great Hall." Sirius said as Remus straightened up and ran a hand through his hair, "No one but Dumbledore probably know about the fire yet, anyway. Why did you think Frank would be hurt? Moony?"

Remus took a deep breath and pulled the parchment from his pocket, holding it out to Sirius, who asked what it was as he took it. Remus meant to explain about the note, but he tuned out his worry about the fire and concern about Sirius' reaction to the note, when he heard noises coming from inside the room. Any other person, having just been through the adrenaline rush and panic like he had, would maybe assume that someone in the room was in pain but Remus had a wolf on his side. His nostrils flared at the faint sound and picked up an easily discernable scent.

"What the hell is this?" Sirius was demanding, but Remus was already pushing through the door, a growl rumbling deep in his throat. Two things happened in that moment. The first was that Remus realised that Frank had never asked about his scars, so never found out about his status as a half breed in the Ministry. He instantly connected to Rosmerta only wanting Sirius for the image and the idea and not for who Sirius was – which gave the painful reason for the second thing that Remus' mind registered.

Alice gasped and toppled off of Frank and off the bed, dragging the sheet along with her. Frank lay where he was, looking fairly shell shocked, the evidence of his previous activity with Alice rapidly fading as Remus stared at him. Sirius stumbled in behind him, still rambling about the note – he shut up promptly when he saw Frank's situation as the herbologist hastily moved a pillow over his crotch and Alice getting to her feet unsteadily, holding the sheet over herself.

"Shit." Sirius said matter-of-factly, with a tone that Remus considered far too cheerful for everything that had happened so far on the worst fucking day in fucking history. The word snapped Remus into action and he stormed over to Alice, grabbing her by the shoulders and pushing her roughly against the wall. Frank's scent, intermingled with her own and that of sex, was all over her, filling Remus' head and turning his gaze red.

"Fucking bitch," he snarled into Alice's fearful face, ignoring Frank's deafening silence and Sirius' shouts and hands on his as he tried to pry Remus off the woman, "What the hell do you think you're doing? It was you, wasn't it?"

"W-what?" Alice stammered, her eyes wide.

"The fucking_ notes_," Remus barked, "The _fire_. It was _you_!"

**A/N2:** Oooohhh myyyy! What ever will happen next? Was it Alice? What is Frank's excuse? Read and review! Also, because I'm nice, I'll do another Ask and Answer session with any characters of your choice ^-^ cheerio!


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the following, only pull on their strings and make them dance.

**A/N: **First things first: I've changed the genre to Romance/Drama instead of Romance/Humour, since this fic seems to be rapidly heading in that direction. There'll still be moments of goodly funniness, but I don't want the description to be misleading. Second things second, this is my longest fic in both words and chapters! Whoop, whoop! Third things third, I've changed the summary - the previous one didn't do the story any justice and was probably a little misleading compared to how the fic has developed as it's gone on. Forth things forth, enjoy :)

**Chapter Thirteen**

Sirius finally succeeded in yanking Remus away from Alice, holding his arms behind his back and yelling at him to calm down. Remus continued to struggle for a moment, before taking a deep, consciously calming breath and exhaling, his eyes still on the naked woman.

"Can I let you go and trust you won't attack her again?" Sirius asked, his lips brushing Remus' ear. Remus couldn't help shivering at the light contact, even when in such a situation. He nodded mutely and Sirius released him. True to his word, Remus stayed where he was, clenching his fists as he tried to calm down and regain his control. He despised losing control in front of others, hated showing that deep down, he was just as unpredictable and instinct-driven as the wolf that was locked up within him. Instinct was never to be trusted.

"Rem, I'm so, so sorry…"

Until _that_ voice cracked through his self-control again and sent him over the edge. But he didn't scream, he didn't rage. The only evidence that he had lost a little of the control he had regained was a dry sob that racked through his body and was expelled as a hitched breath that only Sirius caught and dammit, _he did not cry_. Remus turned to face Frank, ignoring Sirius' concerned expression.

"Just for the record," Remus said, relieved that his voice sounded steady, "Why?"

Frank swallowed thickly and glanced at Alice before looking at Sirius and finally, back at Remus. He splayed his hands in a gesture of helplessness and shook his head. Remus nodded, having received answer enough to satisfy him and started towards the door, Sirius following in confusion. When he reached the door, Remus stopped and looked back, his eyes landing on Alice, who had slid to the floor, shaking.

"I haven't finished with you." He told her, his voice deceptively calm, "And Frank? I think it's pretty obvious that it's over between us."

Without waiting for Frank's answer, Remus turned to leave, but was stopped by a trembling voice. He stopped without turning back to listen, his eyes lowered, his fists relaxing.

"R-Remus, what fire?" Alice asked worriedly, "Was anyone hurt?"

"No, no one was hurt." Remus answered, his voice gruff, before walking out into the corridor. Sirius was on his heels, silent, but obviously burning to ask a million and one questions. They made their way down to the Great Hall in silent agreement, but Remus stopped in the middle of the entrance hall, staring at the closed doors to the hall before them. Sirius hurried to look at him, probably checking that he hadn't broken down or something, and looked confused at the expression he found.

"Remus?" he asked, unsure, "What—"

"It's so close," Remus whispered, closing his eyes, "So close to the surface."

"What is?" Sirius asked gently, placing his hands on Remus' arms calmingly.

"The wolf." Remus opened his eyes to look at Sirius and gauge his reaction, "It's always there, just trapped, unable to break free. When I'm not in control of myself, _it_ controls _me_. Do you think I'm the sort of man to lay my hands on a woman if I didn't have this _thing _in me?"

Sirius didn't step back in disgust and fear as Remus had expected, but simply tightened his grip on Remus for a second as he spoke, "You didn't hurt her, Remus, okay? You didn't do anything except what anyone would have done in your position. You were angry – he _cheated_ on you, for fuck's sake! You're perfectly entitled to feel like this."

Remus looked at Sirius evenly, "No, Sirius, I'm not entitled to feel like this, which you should know perfectly well. You were there when we…when we…you know that if we hadn't come to our senses, it would have gone a lot further, don't you?"

Sirius looked away, dropping his hands awkwardly as he relived their kiss in the classroom.

"If I didn't have this monster caged up inside me, I wouldn't have lost control. I would have reasoned that I only deserved for Frank to have an affair, that I deserved it."

"Oh, that's complete bullshit, Remus." Sirius snapped suddenly, startling Remus into taking a step back, "If hadn't have been attacked by that Greyback guy, you would have reacted pretty much the same way, because you were _angry_. You didn't deserve that, because we _didn't_ go that far. You would never have allowed it no matter how much I might have wanted it to go further." He looked away, "You were the one who pushed me away."

Remus laughed disbelievingly, shaking his head, "This isn't exactly the time to be talking about your confusion with your sexuality, Sirius," he said harshly, watching the other man flinch and doing nothing to act sorry about his words, "Or my own fucked up love life, for that matter. Our rooms have just been deliberately targeted."

Sirius nodded, looking as though he couldn't wait to leave Remus alone, but couldn't do to his need for an explanation, "The note. What the hell was that? Are you being blackmailed?"

"We both are." Remus sighed, pulling the others from the pocket of his jeans. He kept them with him at all times in case anyone else found them (Sirius) and tried to ask him about them (Sirius), or use them against him (everyone else – yes, he could be pretty paranoid). He watched Sirius read them, watched his eyes widen in disbelief before he looked up and met Remus' eyes. Despite everything – Frank and the fire and the Umbridge situation – Remus couldn't help but notice that Sirius' pupils dilated when the other man looked at him, instantly revealing an unconscious attraction between them, an indicator that the wolf picked up easily.

"What?" Sirius asked flatly, "This is…?"

"Someone saw us in the classroom at Christmas." Remus confirmed dully. Sirius' hand with the notes dropped to his side as the other hand rubbed his jaw in thought. "I don't know who."

"And you thought it was Alice." Sirius said, staring vaguely over Remus' shoulder.

"Yes." Remus admitted, "But it can't have been. She would never do such a thing as blackmail someone, I know that, or set our classroom on fire. I was just…I owe her an apology for that."

"Mmm." Sirius nodded, still watching something behind Remus, "Do you think I need to warn Ros about all of this? You were pretty convinced Frank was going to be hurt, too."

"Of course," Remus said drily, "If you're feeling up to telling her the reason for us being blackmailed."

Sirius nodded with an ironic smile as the object of his attentions reached them and touched Remus tentatively on the shoulder. He turned, already having guessed who it was, to see Alice. She was fully dressed and thoroughly dishevelled.

"Remus, can I talk to you?" she asked hesitantly. Remus glanced at Sirius, who shrugged, and nodded. "Thank you…I, err, don't know how to apologise for what you saw. It was—"

"Do you love him?" Remus asked impatiently, "Have you fallen madly and deeply in love with him?"

"I…no."

"Well, then." Remus said sarcastically, "I can see why you did it."

"Merlin, I don't know! I saw how gentle and caring he was with you and I just…gods, I wanted him!" Alice rushed to say, gesturing with her hands as she grew more and more frustrated with trying to convey what she was feeling, "He's asked me out before, you see, but I've always said no. I had Neville to think about and I didn't think he was the sort of person he was when I saw him with you and…I know that none of this excuses what I've done to you, I just wanted you to know that I didn't act out of conceit like you seem to think. I don't know anything about a fire, either."

"I know, Alice." Remus said, almost placidly, "I know."

"It was just our classroom, office and quarters." Sirius added. Alice nodded thankfully to them both and turned to make her way into the Great Hall, where the announcement must have been coming to an end by now, but she paused and looked back. Remus hated her more than ever.

"Frank wants to speak with you, Remus." She told him, sounding more confident now she knew Remus wasn't out for her blood, "He still wants you, even if you don't want him. It hurts that even if you let him go today, he'll pine for you, but don't doubt that I will have him if you don't."

Remus had been wrong. It was definitely _now_ that he hated that fucking bitch the most. Gentle, innocent, kind and caring Alice bloody Prewett. Bitch. He nodded, watching her nod back and turned to creep through the doors of the Great Hall. When the door had closed again, Sirius laid a hand on Remus' shoulder, making him jump in surprise; after conversing about their volatile relationship, Sirius never wanted to be near Remus, let alone touch him.

"You go talk to him," Sirius advised quietly, "I'll see what's happening to our stuff upstairs."

"Thanks," Remus sighed, clapping the other man on the shoulder, "You're a good mate."

Sirius flinched at the term, but Remus had no energy to deal with that, so he turned and left.

"You wanted to talk to me?" Remus asked as he entered Frank's room. The herbologist was sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands, dressed only in a pair of plaid pyjama bottoms. He looked up as Remus leant back against the wall and folded his arms.

"Err, yes. I did." Frank nodded, patting the bed beside him hesitantly. Remus just looked at him blankly. He couldn't sit there – Sirius had been right; no matter that they had shared a kiss, it still hurt that Frank had slept with someone else. Frank nodded again, seeming to understand. "I guess I'll start by apologising, even though that doesn't erase what I've done…I' sorry, Remus."

"Why did you do it?" Remus asked, looking out the window as the breeze ruffled the trees on the edge of the forest. He suddenly craved a smoke, so he moved to the ledge and perched there as he took a cigarette from the pack he kept handy in his pocket for such situations. Lighting up with his wand, he cracked the window open as he turned to Frank, who hadn't answered him, "Why, Frank? I'm not going to be any more pissed off than I am now."

"Gods…" Frank rasped, looking up at Remus briefly before breaking the eye contact again almost immediately. Remus could feel his anger rising to the surface again and stamped it down, not blaming Frank for not wanting to look in his eyes any longer, "I…I guess I've always liked her, but she's never felt the same. I don't know what changed, but I was so happy I—I forgot about _us_ and…"

"Yes, well." Remus said shortly, "Nice of you to remember me when I walked in to see your dick shoved up Alice."

Frank made an odd strangled noise and Remus sighed, running a hand through his hair as he took a long drag from the cigarette. He closed his eyes, holding still for a moment before opening them and blowing the smoke through the window slowly.

"You don't need to look so scared." He told Frank quietly, "I'll tell you something that might make you feel better." Frank looked up at him hopefully and Remus momentarily regretted his choice of words, wondering if he was expecting him to tell him that he wanted to continue their relationship, but ploughed on anyway. If he was ever going to come clean, now was the time. "I kissed someone else before the New Year."

Frank looked up again, various emotions flitting across his face, from hurt to surprise. He settled on contrite again and replied dully, "I can't even be mad at you for it. It was only a kiss, Rem."

"It was more than a kiss, Frank." Remus said harshly, finding that he wanted to hurt Frank, wanted him to feel the same as he did – betrayed, "I meant more than that. I've been attracted to him since I met him. You want to know something else, too? I only got with you to…how do the kids put it these days? Ah, yes. To brush up on my game."

Remus watched Frank swallow and look away, but felt no satisfaction knowing that his words had caused injury, only guilt. He sighed again, "You know as well as I do that I liked you, though, Frank. Quite a lot, actually."

Frank nodded, rubbing a hand across his eyes roughly before meeting Remus' eyes, "It was Sirius wasn't it? Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." He added with a dull laugh at Remus' stiff expression, "It's fine. You two clicked the instant you met. I'm in no position to judge, anyway."

Remus smiled wryly, "Doesn't matter. It's not like anything more would have ever happened. Sirius is…confused. I don't have time for that shit."

"He'll come around." Frank shrugged, but then he blinked, "No, I don't want him to. _I_ still want _you_."

"Don't, Frank." Remus shot him down, shaking his head. He paused to exhale smoke in a thin line out the window, "Don't. Alice really likes you and you obviously like her – perhaps not as much as me at the moment, but you'll go back to normal, back to how much you liked her before I came onto the scene and ruined it all for you."

Frank shook his head and got to his feet to stand before Remus, who clenched the cigarette between his teeth, determinedly staring at the herbologist's collarbone. Frank leaned against the wall beside him and laid a hand on Remus' thigh.

"You didn't ruin anything," he said gently, "Don't walk away from this feeling like that. Walk away feeling angry, that's understandable. I don't like it, but I deserve it. But don't walk away feeling like you getting hurt is your fault, because it isn't. I'm sorry, Remus."

Remus stubbed the hardly smoked cigarette out and flicked it out the window before getting to his feet and brushing Frank's hand off him. He left without another word, having nothing left to say and nothing left to hear that would make him feel any different than he already did. He had liked Frank quite a bit – he hadn't been lying when he'd said that. But Remus hadn't loved Frank, or been _in_ love with him; he supposed humiliation was playing a small part in making him feel how he was. He'd felt it before and hadn't been expecting to feel it again, given how careful he had been about Sirius. Remus laughed to himself as he headed up to the Defence floor. Looked like he'd been wary about the wrong bloody man.

"Damage report?" Remus asked as he came up behind Sirius, who had been standing in their classroom, looking towards their office with a few stray officials still milling around them. Sirius started and spun to see Remus chuckling at him in amusement.

"The place is all protected against magical fire," Sirius scowled at him, before his expression softened to something akin to sadness, "So the desks and our beds and stuff are all fine. Our personal possessions weren't protected, though."

"Right." Remus nodded, "So you're telling me the only possessions we now own are the clothes on our backs?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

"This has been a seriously fucked up day."

"I'll say." Sirius agreed softly, turning to Remus and giving him an almost indiscernible frown. He stepped closer, brushing his hand against Remus' as he met his eyes. Remus didn't step back or protest when Sirius leaned in.

**A/N2:** Bwa ha ha! Cliffhangeeeerrrss! Ah, I'm so evil, but you love it. Anyway, leave a review and I'll make you some butterbeer. Honestly, I've got a recipe and it's _delicious_. Tastes just how you imagine it tastes when you read about it in the books and see it in the films. Mmm…butterbeer….


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the following, only pull on their strings and make them dance.

**Chapter Fourteen**

"I believe you two have had some trouble involving a fire."

Remus and Sirius sprung apart guilty, looking around to see Dumbledore stood in the door way, his hands nestled in the opposite sleeves of his green robes, his eyes twinkling at them over his half-moon glasses.

"Uh, yes, professor." Sirius said hesitantly, glancing at Remus as though to ask him if Dumbledore had seen, "Nothing except for our own things was damaged, luckily."

"I would hardly call that lucky, Sirius." Dumbledore said gravely, coming closer as he surveyed the damage of their belongings through the doorway, "Do either of you have any idea of who might have done this?"

Remus glanced across at Sirius, silently asking if it was okay to tell the Headmaster the full story. Sirius nodded, both men thinking along the same lines; that it would have been foolish to hold anything back, in case anyone actually got hurt next time. Remus' fists clenched at the prospect of a next time.

"Remus has been getting threats, sir." Sirius said, pulling the note Remus had given him and passing it to Dumbledore. Remus nodded mutely and produced the others from his pocket, handing them over, too. "We don't know who it is, though."

Dumbledore inspected each of the notes carefully, before looking up at them expectantly. Remus hesitated, realising that the Headmaster wanted an explanation of why he had been receiving such messages in the first place. He glanced at Sirius again, but only received a tight lipped blink in response. The bloody coward wanted _him_ to explain it. Well wasn't that just brilliant? The new guy was left to explain _to his boss_ that he had messed up the equilibrium of the school by going out with one teacher and then cheating on him with another, who was cheating on his own girlfriend in the process.

Oh yeah, and he shouldn't forget his own newly-developed, small, teeny tiny personal vendetta against the 'sweet' Alice because she had slept with his now ex-boyfriend. _Well duh, why shouldn't I tell my employer such a highschool-esque story?_ Remus thought sarcastically with an internal sigh. He sighed outwardly, too, but gentler as he turned to Dumbledore.

"Someone caught me and Sirius…" he trailed off as he looked for the right word, "_talking_," he supplied, watching Dumbledore nod with an amused smile, "In the classroom at Christmas. Ever since, I've been receiving these notes. I don't think it's a hate thing – no one had a problem with me and Frank. I think it was because we were both with someone else at the time."

"I see." Dumbledore said, looking between the two men. Remus shuffled his feet a little, wondering if he had just ousted himself as a manwhore to the old man. "Was this mystery note sender using this as leverage for something?"

"That's the odd thing, sir." Remus answered, aware of Sirius listening closely now, "I didn't receive any request. It wasn't so much blackmailing as a scare factor."

"Perhaps this person wants you to stay away from Sirius, since it was you who received them, Remus." Dumbledore suggested, "Could you think of anyone who might fit that description?"

Remus glanced at Sirius, who shook his head slightly, before translating the gesture to Dumbledore. The Headmaster nodded and sighed sadly, gazing through the door again to the empty trunks, the only evidence of there ever having been possessions in them the dustings of ash the officials had left behind.

"I promise to solve the issue and find out who was behind this." The wizened man said solemnly, "Such a person is a danger to the school in such a state of mind. Meanwhile, I think it best if you two do not engage in such anger-inducing activities."

Remus felt his face heat up at the offhand comment. He heard Sirius shift uncomfortably beside him as the Headmaster continued, "I'm also here to tell you that your room has been sorted out, Remus. It's next door, so you don't have to trek across the castle to get here."

Remus nodded dumbly, blinking a few times as he processed the information. He wouldn't be bunking with Sirius anymore, acting like a couple of teenagers in boarding school. It had, admittedly, been fun, as stressed as he had been initially at learning the news. By stealing a glance at Sirius, Remus found much the same expression on his face as was on his own.

"Right. Yes. Thank you, sir." Remus nodded stiffly as Dumbledore smiled slightly and started to leave. Before he could, however, Remus called him back as a last minute thought, "Sir, what do we do? All of our clothes and things are gone."

"The school will, of course, give you both all the gold you need to restock your wardrobe and anything else you may have lost, no matter the cost." Dumbledore said graciously, "And no arguments. Remus, I realise you are a proud man and Sirius, I know you have sufficient gold yourself, but this was my fault for having allowed this to happen. You'll both have enough time this week to head to London?"

Remus nodded, vaguely aware that Sirius was doing the same. It was hard to say no to Dumbledore, no matter how object Remus was to the idea of taking money from the man who had already given him so much and saved his life in the process.

"Good, good." Dumbledore smiled, "Oh and one last thing. You both missed the presentation in the hall. The Minister has decided that our students are not gaining a sufficient understanding of the muggle word, so he has asked us to plan a yearly school trip for our upper school students from now on."

"Right." Sirus said in surprise, "Sounds…fun. Which years?"

"Fifth, I think." Dumbledore answered, "As far as I know, they are the most enthusiastic of the upperclassmen."

"What about their O.W.L studies?" Remus asked, fully aware of the ridiculousness of discussing such a mundane thing as exams when he and Sirius had just been attacked with fire. Literally.

"The Ministry is rewriting the exams to allow for the experience. It will be good for them and the teachers who choose to go," Dumbledore added as he left the room with a short wave, "We're having a small fundraiser this weekend for the trip, so make sure you're both free."

"A school trip with a whole year group?" Sirius asked, his voice hitching at the end, "Which Ministry idiot decided that _that_ would be a good idea? You'd have to be suicidal to go along as a volunteer."

"I'll probably go." Remus mused, shoving his hands in his pockets, "Dumbledore will probably want me to keep an eye on the kids and anyway, it sounds like fun."

"Yeah, yeah, fun." Sirius nodded, watching Remus intently, "Me too."

Remus laughed, turning to Sirius with a shake of the head, "You want to go because I'm going?"

"Is that so bad?" Sirius asked defensively. _Is that so bad_, Remus thought wryly, _is that so bloody bad? _Of course it wasn't bad. Which was bad. Remus didn't need to think that Sirius wanting to follow him around like a lost puppy was the opposite of a 'bad thing'. Not after Frank and the notes and the fucking fire. Really, what Remus – and Sirius – needed was to stay away from each other. Yes, that was it. Stay in the separate rooms that Dumbledore had finally sorted out and simply chat in the staff room or in classes. Otherwise, he didn't know what-

Remus' increasingly desperate train of thought was cut off suddenly by Sirius grabbing by the shoulders and turning him roughly to face him. He stared into grey eyes, frozen in surprise and wondering what the other man wanted, when lips descended on his and he was kissing Sirius again as though his life depended on it. Remus moaned into Sirius' mouth and skimmed his hands over narrow hips and broad shoulders to tangle in the soft black hair.

"Thought I'd continue what I'd stared before we were interrupted." Sirius breathed against his mouth when they pulled apart for air. Remus nodded with an indiscernible noise and pulled Sirius back into another heated kiss.

"Why do we always end up doing that?" Remus asked in amusement when they parted again. Sirius shrugged with a small smile and slid his hands from Remus' arms to his hips, "We really shouldn't be left alone together. What if someone's seen us again?"

"Well," Sirius murmured, slipping his thumbs under Remus' t-shirt and rubbing soothing circles into the skin above his belt, "What if I said that I'd end it with Ros? We wouldn't have any reason to be guilty, would we?"

Well shit. Would you look at that? Sirius Black was propositioning him. It had been on bloody weird day, to say the least. Remus laughed shortly, shaking his head. He didn't step back though, he noted subconsciously, didn't move away from the other man.

"Where's this come from?" he asked dubiously, letting his hands slide from Sirius' hair to cup his neck, "Last time we did this in this classroom, you ran away stammering like a fourteen year old virgin."

"You pushed me away." Sirius reminded him pointedly, "I was confused about whether or not you were attracted to me, too, as well as my sexuality."

"And?"

"I'm guessing I'm at least bi, if not gay." Sirius shrugged good humouredly.

"You seem pretty okay with that compared to earlier today."

"Today's crazy events have sort of put things into perspective." Sirius admitted, "When I saw those notes and when you went to confront Frank, I had time to think. Ultimately, I wondered what might have happened if the attacker had known you were outside, rather than in the room." He took a deep breath and shook his head quickly, "It scared me how that made me feel."

Remus smiled and kissed Sirius again, before pulling away and making his way back over to the door. "That's nice, Sirius. I'd love for you to come back and tell me that when you don't have a girlfriend and have been into guys for at least a day, if you don't mind. Anyway, all I have right now are the clothes on my back and the book in my pocket," he added with a pat of the large pocket on his cardigan, "And I bet you have even less, so let's take things into perspective, okay?"

Sirius watched him from the middle of the classroom, his mouth slightly open and his hands reaching out towards Remus. "What do you want me to say? I've already told you I want—"

"You want to try it out with a man," Remus nodded, "I understand. Just don't drag me into it."

With that, Remus left, closing the door behind him. He sighed, running his hands through his hair slowly before starting off towards the staircase. Minutes later, he was giving the password to the Fat Lady and stepping into the Gryffindor common room. The place was packed, buzzing with talk and excitement and as far as Remus could tell, it was something to do with the presentation by the Minister. He made his way across the common room and, sure enough, found who he was looking for sat by the fire.

"Lupin." Harry greeted him from one of the arm chairs. Ron lifted a hand with a smile and Hermione whipped around, her cheeks already colouring. "We heard about the fire."

"No one was hurt." Remus said dismissively, "What I want to talk to you three about is what happened in the forest with Umbridge. You can't go charging after your elders in such a manner, especially you, Harry. You might think that righteous anger will win out but you're not the crazy lady with some nutty vendetta."

"But—"

"Until you're older and crazy, Harry, let me help you out." Remus interrupted with a kind smile. _Yeah, kid, shut the fuck up and listen to your teacher_, he thought smugly when Harry closed his mouth sourly. He would never get tired of being in charge – his old job had never had kicks like it. "I'm not saying that I'll shut you out and deal with it the 'teacher way', he added, making quote marks in the air with his fingers, "Just make sure you come to me first and we'll deal with it together. No one else has to know."

Remus winked surreptitiously and Harry's sour expression brightened, along with his friends'. Remus silently congratulated himself on successful student-teacher bonding and nodded his head towards the noticeboard on the other side of the room, around which most students had gathered.

"What's going on?" he asked curiously.

"It's the announcement of the fundraiser for the trip." Ron told him with a yawn as he stretched his long legs out in front of him, "It's a…something or other. Hermione knows. Tell him, Hermione.

"You should really pay attention for once, Ronald." Hermione snapped, before turning to smile up at Remus as he perched on the arm of Harry's chair, "There's going to be an auction this Saturday followed by a ball. Students, parents and friends from outside Hogwarts are all allowed in as long as they pay an entry fee."

"Oh, that sounds fun." Remus nodded, before frowning, "Wait, what are we auctioning?"

Hermione's smile turned into something Remus didn't want to look into too deeply as she answered, "Teachers."

**A/N: **Another chapter done and dusted. Let me know what you thought and maybe I'll try to get the next one up sooner. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. R&R!


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